It's My Affair
by SaveTheWorldGetTheGirl
Summary: This is a sequel to Sellotaped Heart and is set with the pregnancy story line but is completely different to the current Holby story line. The first chapter is Sellotaped Heart just to remind you. Jac moves to Manchester with a new frame of mind and more of an open mind... It will be pretty Janny centered eventually. I really appreciate reviews on here/twitter :) @HannahOfBrannah
1. Sellotaped Heart (Prologue)

**Hello! It has been a long time hasn't it? Well I'm sorry about that but you should all blame TalkTalk really because they're not a very good internet provider. Anyway, all this time away from the internet has allowed me to start another couple of fics. However this is Part one of my story****_ Sellotaped Heart_********I'm just reintroducing you all to it because it's the start of this fanfic :) I'll upload the next chapter too :D xx**

Jac sat opposite Jonny on her desk chair which she had pulled round so she could face him. After deciding to keep the child the harder decision was how she was going to tell Jonny and facing his reaction. The first decision had undoubtedly been hard to make and she had spent most of her time after the shift she had found out crying in her flat. She had been incredibly stupid to think that just because of her condition, she wouldn't be able to conceive and so no protection was required. Jonny hadn't thought this strange because he didn't care, he just wanted sex. That was apparent from his attitude towards her since the slap. Oh, how she regretted that. That was the one of the worst decisions she had ever made and she realised that as soon as she had done it, but Jac was stubborn and everything she did was right. But it wasn't and she knew it.

The moment she had found out that she was pregnant she shut off everything. She didn't really register Mo's comment until later on when she sat on the kitchen floor in her flat. She had sat on the cold hard floor sobbing until a voice in her head told her to pull herself together. Then she thought about the moment Mr T told her and she heard Mo's comment again and for some reason this made her laugh; in fact, this made her laugh uncontrollably for the best part of ten minutes. If anybody had been watching her they would have thought she was a very strange person. Only very few people knew the truth; she had been broken too many times. Her heart had been Sellotaped together too many times and the pieces were getting old and losing their effect. It was starting to peel away, leaving a patchwork of muscle that's only remaining job was to pump blood because its capacity to love had fallen away.

She looked at Jonny's unimpressed face that did not soften at all, even when she tried to smile at him. He sat unwillingly opposite, wondering why she had asked him in here and why she was looking so serious. It wasn't work serious either; it was more like the serious face she used just before she told him she loved him. The lines of her young-looking face were visible and Jonny noticed she was actually wincing now and a reflex action to hold her hands was just that: a reflex action. He quickly pulled away from her, noticing her expression change. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing he still had feelings for her; now he was controlling them because he knew it would never, _could_ never work and he was sick of the on and off relationship they had. All he had wanted from her was her love back; it had been there for a while then suddenly something had changed and the anger in her face when she slapped him was unbelievable. He almost reached his hand up to the side of the face where she had hit him, but he remembered where he was and those thoughts flew from his mind.

"Did you want something Ms Naylor?" He said pointedly, having had enough of waiting patiently while she got herself together. He wasn't enjoying drifting off remembering times with her.  
"Jonny, this isn't about work. You've probably already guessed that it wasn't anyway." Jac was actually nervous. This was another side of her he had never experienced. He had seen the sadness in her eyes when she told him she loved him because she was worried he wouldn't take her back. This was not sadness though; this was nervousness. Her voice shook slightly and the more she fought to keep control of it, the more she lost it. Jonny felt the tiniest bit of pity for her because he couldn't help it; if it had been anyone else he would have reacted the same way… Probably.  
"Are you okay?" He asked in the most detached, monotone voice he could muster, but this was Jac and it would never be that easy for him. She looked straight at him for the first time and it felt like she was staring right down into his soul with her green-blue eyes. He hadn't noticed it before but she was starting to cry and his heart sank.  
"I'm pregnant." There she had said it. It was over.

Now it was time for the freak out from Jonny. At first he didn't quite register what she had said and it took him a few moments of opening and closing his mouth like a fish for him to finally say something.  
"It's mine?"  
"Of course it's yours!" She said a little too angrily even though she knew she had no right and the same thought had crossed his mind that had crossed hers. It could have been Sean's. That was too long ago though and they both knew that Jac hadn't slept with anyone else except for the night that Tara died.

"Well I just thought I'd ask because we both know you're not exactly faithful." His comment hurt her but it was true and she'd only brought it upon herself. She just down at her lap. It was easier for Jonny to think and talk now that she wasn't staring intently at him.  
"What are you going to do?"  
"I don't know. I really don't and this is a first for me. I just thought that you needed to know."

"Well yeah… obviously. I don't really know what to say Jac. I don't really know what you want me to say either. If you had expected me to be all happy about just because I told you it's what I wanted then you're wrong. I wanted it with somebody I loved and loved me back. I wanted it with someone who wasn't complicated or carried so much baggage with them that it was hard to see them in the present." Jac was starting to cry now but Jonny wasn't sure if he cared. He could only imagine that this felt like the moment she told him she had slept with Sean.

"Jonny, please stop." She stayed looking down, probably so he couldn't see her cry. He was angry and as much as she had hurt him, he had seen that he had already hurt her enough so he left the room.

She stared dumbstruck at the door he had just slammed behind him before collapsing from her chair on to the floor. She pulled her knees high up to her chest and buried her face into them before crying. She felt as though she could cry all the moisture from her body and she would just dry up and shrivel. That would have been simpler and easier than her current situation. From what Jonny had said she decided that he didn't want the baby and he didn't want her either. She couldn't really blame him but she hadn't yet told him the full story; she hadn't told him the reason she had slapped him or the reason she got so angry at those things he said. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to now. She had thought about everything she had wanted to say to him before she told him she was pregnant but somehow she hadn't been able to muster the words and now his reaction made it perfectly clear that she wouldn't be telling him these things.

She left her office after drying her eyes and reapplying her make-up so she could hide her real feelings. She worked the rest of her shift avoiding Jonny's gaze and Mo's questions. She finally finished and she had never walked so fast to her car after a shift before but the truth was she couldn't wait to be as far away as possible from her life here. Everything was so complicated and it was her own fault. It was at this point that Jonny appeared at her side. His solemn face told her that he wasn't here to get excited about their baby.

"Mo told me about the endometriosis. I had no idea; I really didn't Jac and you know that. It's your fault that we're in this state Jac because you just can't open up to people who care for you; you just push and push and one day Jac, there won't be anyone to push and you'll just push yourself over the edge.I'm sorry Jac but it's true. I'm still in love with you but we can't be together and I don't think that having a baby in this mess will help the situation either. I'm not saying you have to get rid of it but I just don't think I could be a part of its life. It's cursed; I'm trying my hardest to get over you and seeing you every day at work doesn't help but it's the best for both of us." Before she could say anything, he walked away from her. She lifted a hand to her face, expecting to have to wipe away some tears but she found nothing there; perhaps she had already dried and shrivelled up.

Somehow she managed to sleep quite well that night. It was as though her body had already decided what she was going to do and her mind was just taking orders from it. She woke up early the next morning, ready to face the day at work. It was as though the previous day had not happened and neither the thought of the pregnancy nor the thought of Jonny entered her mind until she got to work where she saw Jonny for a split second before hiding away in her office to make a phone call. It took her ten minutes to book an appointment and just as she pressed the phone off, Elliot entered their joint office. He noted her saddened expression but knew best not to mention anything for fear that he would get his head bitten off by the feisty consultant. He sat quietly behind his desk, the silence between them growing until Jac open her mouth to break it, surprising them both.  
"Elliot, I just want to say thank you. All these years I've had your guidance and even though you've not always been the strongest supporter of my work, I've always admired yours and it's been such a privilege to work with you." Elliot was shocked to say the least and just as Jonny had walked away, Jac walked from the office and left Darwin ward to travel in the lift to Mr Hanssen's office.

After emerging an hour later she made her way to AAU to find Sacha.  
"I'm looking for Mr Levy." She said to Mary-Claire who sat lazily behind the nurses' station. The Irish nurse pointed to the office without even looking up at her. She didn't even moan at her for her incompetence and instead found Sacha talking to Serena in this office. It wasn't long ago that he had found out about his daughter's leukaemia and she had been the person he had told first. She was his best friend. Now she needed to tell him her news and she wished he would be as supportive as he usually would, except she was dreading his response. Jac waited patiently outside the office until Serena left and Sacha was left. He was smiling although any other person in his position wouldn't be; he had come into work too as his daughter had gone into school, trying to keep everything as normal as it could be. He welcomed Jac with a hug which she allowed because she was just about to tell him something she knew he wouldn't be happy about and anything that could lessen the impact of the news she would have to deal with.  
"Sacha this isn't just a friendly visit, neither am I here for a consult. I actually have some news." He saw that she was serious but she was always serious so his expression didn't change yet. "I'm leaving at the end of the day." This type his expression changed. His face fell and so did hers. As much as she thought she thought she was all cried out, she hadn't anticipated how Sacha taking the news would impact her. She began crying and trying to explain things while he cried himself.

"I just have too many bad memories here. I can't cope with the guilt. I need to start somewhere fresh, somewhere where people don't know me or my past." She hadn't mentioned her pregnancy yet.  
"What's all brought this up though Jac?"  
"I'm pregnant. But I'm getting rid of it. I know it's against your personality or whatever but I'm alone and the father doesn't want to involved and I don't think, in fact I know that I can't love this baby because I'm incapable of loving anything."  
"Don't say that Jac, you just need to try!"  
"I've tried to love people but I mess it up Sacha! It's all I can do and all that I will ever do."  
"You care about me and your other friends, and you obviously care enough to have thought about it."  
"First of all Sacha, you're my only friend and you'll be better off without me anyway because you're the nicest person I've ever met and you don't need someone like me in your life."  
"Jac, you're my best friend. You're the first person I told about Rachel because I needed your support and guess what Jac, you gave it to me because you care." Jac didn't really know what to say.  
"Sacha…"  
"I understand that you want to leave but please, please don't think that you are incapable of caring because you are and I know it. And don't you even dare think that you will be getting away thinking you're going to lose me from your life. I expect to know everything about your new life and I expect visits." That was that. Their conversation had been wrapped up in a small sentence and at that moment she wished she could have had a man like Sacha. Well, not exactly like Sacha. Maybe the personality of Sacha and the body of Ryan Reynolds. She initiated a hug with him for the first time in their friendship.

Eventually after a long talk about Rachel and where Jac would go etc, Jac finally went back to Darwin. She ignored Elliot's pestering asking her why she had said what she had and Mo and Jonny becoming suddenly more interested. She went into her office and pulled out her bag from under the desk. She opened it wide before opening the drawer and shifting the contents of it into the large handbag.

She then left the office quickly and walked away from Darwin for the last time.

She sat in the waiting room of the clinic and stared around at the people who were sharing her air. She felt slightly sick as she looked from the teenagers to the professionals like her. A nurse came round the corner and shouted a name; Jac stood up.


	2. Obviously

**Hello again! This is the actual start of the fanfic :) It's completely different to the current storyline and follows on from my other fiction Sellotaped Heart. Sort of. Anyway, hope you enjoy and please review. xx**

Jac now wished that she hadn't woken herself so early. She still had an hour of her journey to go and all she wanted was to be back in her comfy bed, in her nice familiar flat. However that was impossible because the flat wasn't hers anymore. A young couple were renting it from her and they were moving in tomorrow. She meanwhile, had bought a house for herself; it was a large detached house with a back garden which she supposed would come in handy when the sprog popped out. She hadn't really thought about it when she was buying it. She just decided that was the nicest property available in such short notice and it was affordable. Not that that was a problem. She had too much money in the bank to know what to do with; she wasn't flashy about anything. Growing up in a care home made you appreciate what you did have and as a result she wasn't particularly materialistic. The closest she had ever been to a compulsive buy would have been the house.

She walked out of the hospital that day and she had vowed that she would never go back, which was why as soon as she had got to the flat, she began packing her things. At first it was a little hard to live out of boxes but she also noticed how little she needed most of her things, which meant unpacking once again and throwing away what she didn't need. First thing first she had to find herself a job. Any hospital would be lucky to have such a brilliant surgeon and she had quite a few offers, but it wasn't how reputable the hospital was for Jac; what she wanted was a place that was far away and would provide a different environment for her. She also needed somewhere that understood her pregnancy situation and wanted her regardless. She also had Sacha on her side who knew people in high places and so she found a consultant's post quite quickly with a good salary with his help. The place was a three and a half hour car journey away to Manchester Royal Infirmary. The salary was just the same as at Holby, even though they were going to have to fork out some money for a locum while she was on maternity leave.

Eventually after three pit stops and a sleepy last half hour driving, she had made it to her new home. Two weeks earlier, Sacha had called his friend, Ben, up in Manchester who had agreed to help her furnish it before she moved up there properly; Sacha had gone with her too, making sure of her promise to keep in touch with him. However it was mainly because Jac didn't want to be in the presence of a complete stranger, no matter how much Sacha tried to convince her he was a nice guy. She had to agree though, that he was lovely; the only problem was the non-stop flirting she had to endure while he was helping to move the objects from the van Sacha acquired. She usually would have either flirted along with him because he wasn't terrible looking or told him where to go, but it had been a tiring journey up there and she had already had to sing along with the best of the 80s that Sacha had insisted on listening to, so she wasn't feeling particularly sociable. She did however serve the tea and sandwiches and tried her best to chat along with them but found her concentration lacking. Sacha kept it until the last minute to tell Jac that Ben was his guy in high places; in other words Ben was also a senior cardiac consultant and had been the one to offer her the job. Ben smiled as his true identity was revealed.  
_"Jac, if you hadn't already guessed, this is Ben Clark, from the infirmary. He's the guy who offered you the job."_  
All Jac could do was worry about how she was already coming across. Although she needn't have.

_"Oh don't worry; I like to see my colleagues in an environment other than work so I can get to know what kind of a person they're like."  
"I usually keep work and personal lives separate." It wasn't meant to come out so harshly but Jac was used to that tone and it was just reflexive.  
"Ah but then how else are you going to meet anyone here?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, you know me now and I'll take you on the customary tour of the area introduce you to a few people before you start work and you should feel more comfortable."  
"Well that's great isn't it Jac?" Sacha grinned as widely as he usually did.  
"Yeah, sounds fantastic." She tried to add a tone of calm and interest to her voice; after all he was just being friendly and what he said was true, she could do with a few friends here to start afresh. All she needed to do was not lie to them. Or sleep with them._

She ended up taking his number and they texted fairly often before Jac had actually moved in. It was just simple things; there was never anything personal. It was just along the lines of what they were up to or whether Jac had found someone to rent the flat yet etc.

She parked on the driveway and stayed sat back in her car for a little while. There was a little apprehension at moving her whole life here when in Holby she already had the ideal career, home and… well not love life. That had been far from perfect. But that was all behind her now and she couldn't waste the rest of her new life thinking about the past; that was what had ruined her life in Holby. She let her past rule the present. From now on, Jac Naylor had to be a different person. She had learnt that the way she had been acting would never get her anywhere except heartbreak and well… pregnant. Although, looking down at her bump, she couldn't say that the latter was a bad thing. She couldn't really say anything about it at all, because the only aspect of her pregnancy that had hit her was the morning sickness, she was still quite oblivious to the fact that she would be having a baby in around five months time. She never thought about it; it was just something in the back of her mind helping her make some decisions, subconsciously.

She finally got out of the car and looked around at her new neighbourhood. Considering it was in Manchester, where she considered a busy bustling urban area, the place she had chosen couldn't have been more different. There was a field behind her house, every house had a front and back garden and it was nice and quiet, but there was a park further up the road and she was sure that there would be a few children living in the area She smiled a little; this was a nice place to start again if you ignored the clouds in the sky. It would be nice for little Naylor to grow up in. There she goes again, little decisions she made centring on the being growing inside her. After walking out of the abortion clinic just over two months ago, she had realised the decision she made then meant that she could care about people, to an extent. She cared about Jonny enough to keep the last piece of him she had, and she cared about the foetus enough to let it live. She wasn't sure that having her for a mother was humane though. Not yet.

Jac walked up the path, immediately noticing something sticking out of the letter box. Not many people knew where she lived so it was either a pamphlet about a fast food restaurant or… She picked up the little slip of paper. She didn't know immediately who it was by the handwriting because she'd never seen it before.  
"Text for a tour?" Was written on it along then at then end, "Ben" She smiled a little as he was keeping to his promise. She put the slip of paper in her pocket and proceeded to unlock the door to her new home. She pushed it open quite wide to allow space for the case she was wheeling in through it. She turned the light on in the hall; even though it was quite sunny outside, there was only one small window in the hallway that didn't allow much light through. It didn't matter though, because it wasn't her favourite part of the house. Her favourite part of the house was the kitchen and despite contrary beliefs it wasn't just because of 'the knives'. It was her favourite part of _this_ house because it was big and she had grown a taste for cooking when she was free, which had been the majority of the time during the past two months. Many of her attempts had ended up in the bin, although Jac Naylor was not one to give up, even with something as useless as being able to cook. This kitchen was large with a dining area incorporated into it; it wasn't modern because that's not who Jac was. It was like a farmhouse kitchen with wooden cupboards and cream walls; it was made to look like that though, the previous owners had taken the time to create it and that's what Jac loved best about it.

The rest of the house was lovely too; the previous owners really had taken the time to decorate and add things to it. There was a conservatory leading out to the back garden which had a patio at the top and a pond further into large area of grass. She was going to have to buy a lawnmower… and then pay a local kid to mow her lawn for her. She had always done her own housework, even when she lived in the care home, but one thing she couldn't deal with was the garden. She also needed someone to trim the hedges that separated her garden from the field behind the house. There was work to be done on the garden she decided as she walked back inside having taking a trip around the ground floor and then a peak at the garden. Next stop was upstairs to remind herself what it looked like and to perhaps take a granny nap because the strain of being pregnant and waking up early had caught up with her. There were three bedrooms upstairs; one was to be used for her, another for her child and the final would be a guest room, although the only guest she could imagine having round at that time was Sacha. There was a final box room which she would turn into an office although by the looks of things, the previous owners had used this as a bedroom too. "Blimey, how many kids did they have?" she thought, before taking a left into the master bedroom and catching up on some sleep.

The next thing she knew she was being woken up by the sound of her phone vibrating on the bedside table beside her.  
"Hello?" She sounded very groggy; this was only partly due to her having just woken up, as a wave of nausea hit her. She took in a heavy breath a clutched at her stomach slightly, not really paying attention to what the person on the other line was saying.  
"Hello? Jac are you there?"  
"Yeah sorry, I was just sleeping. Who is this?"  
"It's Ben and why are you sleeping at two in the afternoon?"  
"Ben as in the person who helped move in, Ben? I'm sleeping because I woke up early and, no actually that doesn't matter. Did you want something?"  
"Yep that Ben; and I was wondering if you got my note? I have to admit I was expecting a text earlier but then I didn't get one so I thought I'd call and make sure you got my note. The only explanation for you not texting would be that the note got misplaced or blew away in the wind." He didn't think much of himself then. Jac raised her eyebrows but realised he couldn't see her down the phone.  
"I did get the note actually, but I was tired after driving so I haven't even had chance to do anything yet."  
"Ah so you were going to text me?"  
"Maybe. Purely so I could get to know the area, obviously."  
"Oh yes, obviously. Anyway, I'm free this evening if you would like to accompany me to dinner? Purely to get to know the best places to eat, obviously."  
"This evening I could be free seeing as I don't start work until next week and I know nobody here apart from you. But let me just check my diary first."  
"Oh don't tell me, you're washing your hair." She smiled without realising she was doing so.  
"Hmmm, I might wash my hair yes and then you can pick me up at seven. Just to see where to eat in this town, obviously."  
"Obviously. Alright then, seven it is. See you later Naylor." She didn't hear the phone cut off.  
"Bye Ben." It still didn't cut off; she laughed quietly before tapping the red 'end call' button herself.


	3. Dinner With a Welshman

**Hi again! I have the first ten or so chapters of this written up already so hopefully updates will be reasonable :) Well, if my sister allows me to ever go on the laptop while she's busy fangirling :') Thanks for the faves/follows, much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this chapter, please review xx**

_"Ah you're one of the medical bunch aren't you?" A man who looked slightly older than herself began the conversation. They had been left alone after their mutual friends had gone to purchase drinks.  
"I am one of that bunch yes. How about you? It's Andrew isn't it?"  
"Yeah, and you're Jackie right?"  
"Just Jac." She wasn't finding his company particularly stimulating but then again, this was the first time she had spoken to him, at least the first time sober. She had seen him before at parties but they had never uttered a word despite having the same friends.  
"Well Just Jac, I am doing geography."  
"What are you going to do with that?" She said, quite rudely.  
"What else can you do with geography but travel the world?"  
"So basically you'll visit Bolivia and then come back and find a post as a teacher in some high school."  
"You have a pessimistic view there Jac. No, after university I want to travel for a year and then start off in the Environment Agency, steadily gaining experience until I'm ready for the Blue Vests."  
"The Blue Vests?"  
"The UN of course."  
"Ah so you're not actually a hippy?"  
"Oh no, not at all. I'm in the other camp." Suddenly Jac found herself feeling a little more comfortable. He wasn't offended by her sarcasm, and instead played along. They continued to talk having finally made a break in the awkward silence left for them by their friends who had planned this. Their friends didn't come back for a while, by which time the duo had arranged to meet for a drink one evening, where they could talk more about saving the world in their own special ways. They were eighteen years old and were halfway through their first year at university. _

Jac's nerves were purely down to her meeting her colleague again, even though they'd talked numerous times after he had helped her move in, they hadn't actually spoken face to face since then. She pulled on yet another top that clung to her bump too much. She really was going to have to buy some new clothes; she'd have to go to the maternity section. Something she'd never thought she'd do again. It wasn't too bad at work because all she would have to do was get a size bigger in scrubs. She thought back fifteen years to when she had first purchased anything from the maternity section. She remembered being rather excited when holding his hand and choosing the most horrendous-looking thing in the shop purely to make them both laugh. Then the times caught up with her and an overwhelming surge of sadness caused that feeling in her throat; the feeling you get before you cry. She couldn't cry though because that would ruin her make-up. No, instead she stood back up from her bed, unsure of when she sat down and pulled her top off for the nth time.

She had finally found something suitable that actually looked alright when he knocked on her door at exactly seven. She grabbed her phone and purse and keys… where were her keys? She'd been here for what? Around six hours and she'd already lost them. He knocked again. "Damn." She mumbled, "One second!" She shouted, unsure of whether he could hear her. "Ah ha!" She grabbed the keys that were lying on the coffee table in the living room and she was off.  
"Sorry about that, keys." She smiled and rolled her eyes.  
"Don't worry about it. I'm clumsy myself."  
"Oh I'm not clumsy, just tired." She corrected him although she wished she'd kept her mouth shut. She didn't always need to be so defensive. He just shrugged his shoulders and opened the passenger side door.  
"Madam." He tipped an invisible hat, before gesturing for her to get in. She shook her head; she could already guess the type of person he was.

It was only a ten minute drive to the restaurant, in which time Ben had told Jac his life story up to the age of twenty-five. He had grown up in Wales with his parents and two brothers who went on to be farmers, as did everyone in their small village. But not him; he wanted to get away and do something different for once. He wanted to be the talk of the village for getting away from it all. This was the point of the story where he came to Manchester at the age of eighteen to go to university and become a doctor. His parents disowned him and he only spoke to his younger brother now. Jac seemed genuinely interested and hadn't offered up anything from her own past so he just kept on talking up until the point where they had reached the restaurant and he was once again, opening her car door.

They made their way through the crowds as the waiter guided them to their table, as Ben had booked ahead. Jac was pleased about this as the queue was getting quite long. They sat down and Ben picked up his menu and pretended to read it; this was his favourite restaurant and so he had no need to choose from a list. Nor did the waiter need to ask him what he wanted. Jac on the other hand scanned the menu for a few moments before deciding what she wanted; she opted for a spicy chicken salad.  
"Good choice, although I need more substance than salad, but Joe knows what I want anyway, don't you?" The waiter nodded before taking both of their menus away.  
"Come here often then?"  
"When I have time yeah; I've taken you to the best place to eat in Manchester, as I promised. Anyway, I have talked enough about me; you'll have to wait to find out more about my university shenanigans. So, why have you moved up here?" She had been expecting this question as general chit chat from her colleagues and she had prepared a false answer to satisfy them.  
"I just wanted a change of environment, especially for when the baby's born." He tried to look convinced by her story, but the way she looked down when she said it made him feel like it didn't particularly ring true. She was an excellent surgeon, probably close to becoming director of surgery at some point at the hospital she had come from and yet, she moved away at a critical point in her career. He nodded and smiled anyway and drank some of his lemonade. He had felt uncomfortable drinking in front of Jac and so had gone for the same option as her. After a sip he decided he didn't think her answer was very good and decided to pry a bit more.  
"How about the father?"  
"He lives in Holby and will not be a part of the kid's life."  
"Your choice or his?"  
"His." She was giving away more information than she had wanted to but as long as it didn't go much deeper she supposed it was fine. For some reason she felt comfortable telling him.  
"That sounds tough."  
"Well, I've done things by myself before. Just not raising a child, but how hard can it be?"  
"Oh yeah it's dead easy." He said sarcastically, "I speak from experience."  
"You have kids?"  
"Just one, Charlotte. She's sixteen."  
"Oh I didn't realise you were married."  
"I'm not married. I just have a kid."  
"Divorced?"  
"And happily." The waiter chose this moment to bring their food and Jac had never been so happy so see a plate of food in front of her; she didn't know how she could carry on their conversation so she chose a different route.  
"This looks great."  
"Wait till you try it." He seemed to understand Jac's awkwardness around the previous conversation and so he tucked into his meal. Jac followed his lead. They talked more over dinner but about less personal things.

"So, how did you enjoy your first dining experience in Manchester then?"  
"Well I have to admit that the food was rather good. Although I've been practising myself and I have to say I can cook a mean beans on toast so far."  
"That sounds fabulous. I'll have to try it some time."  
"Oh will you now?" Jac played along but stayed cautious; the last thing she wanted to do was to lead her boss on. Especially because the reason she was leaving Holby was down to her being in a relationship with her colleague which had ended messily, with mainly her to blame.  
"Well showing you around town will make me hungry."  
"When is this tour taking place?"  
"I have all week off so it's your choice." He was walking slowly back to his car, but still facing her.  
"Hmm I'll have to think about it." She put her key in the lock.  
"I know you'll think about me. I'm just that charming. I have that effect on all women, don't worry." She turned around to see him wink and she shook her head  
"Goodnight Ben." She tutted and stepped inside.  
"Night Naylor." He called back. She was inside the dark hallway so she couldn't see her smiling, although she was sure he knew she was.


	4. Picnic Basket

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For some reason Jac woke up excited. Ben had said he was going to take he for a tour and surprisingly she was already doing well with the social side of things, that is, she had already made a friend. As childish as that sounded or felt, it provided Jac with a bit of comfort to know that there was somebody here because she dreaded being alone, especially now with the baby. However Ben's playful flirting was worrying her. She decided it was best if she left it a day before seeing him again; that way she could get some unpacking done, although most of her clothes were out of the boxes already after she'd tried on her entire wardrobe yesterday. She began in her bedroom, and unpacked photo frames and a lamp; she discovered her jewellery in a chest which she put on the dresser. That was about it for her possessions, for her bedroom anyway. Next was the office where most of her things were unpacked. She had a huge book-shelf that went from one side of the wall to the other; it was actually perfect for Jac who found that most of the items in her boxes were in fact books. Those that she'd collected over the years from second-hand book shops, libraries for which she'd have a hefty fine, and then there were those that were presents from friends and ex-lovers. Then her heart dropped as she found a square book lying at the bottom of one box. She hadn't realised she'd packed it; she'd just grabbed a load from the shelf and chucked them in a box. She didn't even know why she'd even kept it; every time she looked at she was reminded of what was, and what could have been.

The book wasn't any normal book; it was a record of firsts. For example, first steps, complete with a space to put a picture. First smile was the one she remembered looking forward to the most. She flipped back to the front. _'James' Book of Firsts'_ the name James had been written in; she looked at her own handwriting on the page in front of her. It had been written so neatly and delicately. Her handwriting now was far from neat; she had suffered severely from doctor's scrawl, and her writing was now barely legible. Something watery fell on to the page and her eyesight became hazy; she wasn't quite sure of what was happening until she felt her chest becoming heavy and her breathing quickened: she was crying. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She placed the book carefully into the book shelf, although she wondered whether she should leave it there because it would always be seen. But the more she thought about it, the better the place was; it was hidden away in plain sight. She left the office quickly and decided it was time for lunch. She checked her phone and noticed Sacha had tried to call her. She'd never admit it, but Sacha was exactly what she needed to cheer her up in that moment.

After calling Sacha back and discovering that he was coming up to see her in two days time, she felt a bit better. She realised she would have to get the house in order so she set about clearing the living room of boxes and instead filled it with her DVDs, ornaments; including a large grandfather clock she had bought three years ago from an antiques shop, and finally various pieces of art which she had purchased in the past two months or so to go in her front room. Her house was almost complete; her bathroom had been sorted yesterday and all she needed to do was dress up the guest bedroom a bit and then… there was the nursery. She couldn't do anything with that until she found out the sex of the baby. She'd had the chance to find out much earlier in the pregnancy what with the excessive number scans she had had because of her endometriosis, but she'd refused each time. The reason was a selfish one of course; without knowing the sex, she wouldn't have to think of the baby as an actual person. When it was an actual person was when she'd have to start showing some form of interest and she wasn't prepared for that yet. Well, she didn't think she could do it yet because she didn't want to get attached; that's the mistake she made before. However, she was reaching four and a half months now and she did want to get the nursery done and perhaps buy in a few things. She wasn't the person to leave it until last minute, even if this way meant disappointment, again. So she decided that in her next scan, she would have to find out.

Having finally finished and feeling thoroughly exhausted, "damn pregnancy", she sat down on her cream sofa which seemed to engulf her. She was far too comfortable to stay awake… except there was a constant buzzing noise coming from somewhere on the other side of the room and she couldn't quite block it out. She opened her eyes again and saw her phone about to fall off the mantle place because it was vibrating. She jumped up as fast as she could from the sofa; however it was quite hard because the sofa had pulled her into its depths. She managed to catch the phone just as it toppled off the edge. She slid the bar across to answer the call without taking the time to look at who it was.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey Naylor, I was starting to worry. Normally I would have had a text by now begging me to come show whoever around. But not you. How are you?"  
"Ben?"  
"That's me."  
"I'm fine, I've just been unpacking. Err… how are you?"  
"I'm goooood, Naylor. It's such a nice day, I was thinking of setting up a picnic. What do you reckon?"  
"You don't ever give up."  
"Nope. I hope you've not already had lunch."  
"I was just about to-"

"Well no need. What can I put on a sandwich for you?"  
"I like anything but tuna." She found herself saying before she even had the chance to think about going on this picnic.

"Alright, I'll fix you something up. How long are you going to need to get ready?"  
"Give me half an hour." there she went again.  
"Sure thing, see you later." The phone didn't hang up.  
"Are you going to do this every time?"  
"You didn't say bye, that's rude." She chuckled. She never chuckled; chuckling was something that old men did. She cringed slightly.  
"Bye Ben." She said as sarcastically as she could, and then put the phone down herself.

Having discovered that she didn't have much in her newly organised wardrobe, she threw on the closest thing to baggy she could find, even though it still clung to her. It was a white blouse paired with some light blue skinny jeans that she'd never been able to wear before now because they were a size too big. She was ready in twenty minutes and had time to change her next ultrasound appointment to when Sacha was up visiting. She wanted him to see his godchild first of all but the real reason was that she didn't like to go alone, and this time she was going to find out the sex. She had to really; she couldn't just leave that one room in the house undecorated for as long as she was being selfish, or scared might be the better word…

Ben knocked on the door while she was still on the phone, so he was ushered in silently while she gave her details to the woman at reception. She was having trouble because she had only recently changed her gynaecologist and the receptionist was having trouble finding her notes. Ben made himself at home by walking straight into the living room and sitting down on the comfiest sofa in the world; he then proceeded to listen in to her conversation.  
"I will tell you again, my name is Jac Naylor aged 37. I'm having regular check ups with the gynaecologist because of my endometriosis. My previous gynaecologist was Mr Thompson of HolbyCityHospital. Have you found my notes yet?" Her voice was less than patient and Ben had to really try to stop a smirk forming on his face.

"Well done, you know in the time that took I could have popped out fifty more kids. Anyway, I want to change my appointment if that's alright with you, or is that not in your capacity?" She raised her eyebrows to Ben who tried his best to look serious and share a knowing look but instead got a throw cushion thrown at him for laughing at her.  
"Yes, so that's two days time, it's a Wednesday. Two o'clock? Right that's perfect. Now go and have a biscuit because that must have been tiring for you." She hung up the phone before the receptionist was able to bite back about Jac's rudeness. Ben could only imagine the look on the poor receptionist's face right now only that made him laugh even more.  
"What are you laughing at?" She frowned a little and put the phone in the pocket of her jeans.  
"Oh nothing. Although I'm pretty sure that receptionist will have to have therapy now. Are you always this rude?"  
"Oh, you've seen nothing yet." Her best sarcastic smile played on her face for a moment and Ben rolled his eyes.  
"Right, are you ready now? I've waited long enough."  
"The cheek. Seems like you made yourself at home though."  
"It's courtesy to offer your guests a place to sit. I assumed you would have done had you not been on the phone. Although judging by that phone call I'm not too sure." He raised his eyebrows but smiled. "God, how do you get up from this thing?" He was now struggling to stand up after being sucked into the furniture. She tutted and grabbed his hands to pull him up, although he used most of his own strength to do so.

"You actually have a basket?" Jac laughed as she walked outside and found a basketful of food sitting on the passenger seat in his car.  
"Of course; you don't?"  
"Why would I have a picnic basket?"  
"Why wouldn't you? You'll need one soon anyway. What else are you going to do when the kid's born? You can't just take a carrier bag, it would ruin the whole image."  
"You've planned further than I have!" She went to move the basket and steal its seat.  
"Whoa, what do you think you're doing?"  
"Getting in the car?" She said, quite puzzled.  
"We're not driving. It's only a ten minute walk." She opened her mouth as though to protest, and Ben mimicked her expression so she shut the car door and gave him the basket.  
"It would only have been a two minute drive then."  
"Ah yes but this way I get to listen to you complain for longer." He grinned cheesily, "Come on. It'll be fun! You can tell me your life story now. I think you've heard enough of mine."  
"Mine's not worth listening to."  
"Oh sure. Where were you born?"  
"In Bath. I lived there until I was 18."  
"Was it just your parents you lived with or do you have any brothers or sisters?" he realised he was going to have to keep asking her questions for her to give up any information because she wouldn't just say it of her own accord. He knew the type of person she was already.


	5. Unlimited Questions

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When she left Holby, she decided that she needed to change the way she was because otherwise the same thing would happen over and over again. The minute she walked out of the hospital she knew that it was all down to her. Everything that had happened there was her own doing. She was self destructive and she knew it; she didn't want to remain there because there was always the chance that she would revert back to who she was, except she didn't want to be that person anymore. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was that she wanted from her new start; the only thing she knew was that instead of hiding who she really was, beneath all the facades and lies, she would be more open. However, then that brought with it the thing she hated most of all; vulnerability. The worst times of her life were when she made herself vulnerable or when she was made vulnerable by other people. So there was always that sense of anxiety around how much she could share without her becoming an open book. So really, she was in a very complex situation. It seemed though that somehow, Jac had already made a 'friend' in this town and therefore she had already made herself vulnerable. For now though, around Ben, she could just answer the questions she wanted to and stop when she wanted to. As much as she felt strangely comfortable around him, she didn't want to give away too much just yet.

"When I was twelve, my mother went to India and I was left here. My father had long since gone and so I was on my own. So until I was eighteen I lived in a care home."  
"That sounds pretty shoddy to be honest." The first thing she realised was that he didn't make an immediate attempt to pity her. She then remembered how he had also been abandoned by his parents.  
"I guess it was. I also found out a few years ago that I have a younger sister, but we don't speak."  
"Okay, so your dad left, your mum left and you've got a sister. Got it. Next question; I hope you realise that this is kind of a game for me now. When did you decide you wanted to be a surgeon?"  
"Well it was after I went to medical school because previous to that I'd always wanted to be a doctor, like a GP. But then I had a life changing moment and that was what turned me into a surgeon."  
"What was the life-changing moment?"  
"Ah, well that's private."  
"Spoil sport." She smiled; Ben noticed a slight difference in her smile but then again he had only known her for a few days so what did he know about what she was feeling?  
"Next question?"  
"Yep, next question. What university did you go to?"  
"St Barte's. These questions are very chronological. By chronological I mean boring."  
"It's how I role. Next question; how many hospitals have you worked at and which are they?"  
"I first worked at St Barte's Hospital which was part of the university and then I went to work at Holby. That's it."  
"Hmmm. Okay. What are your extra curricular activities?" She had to laugh. Her life _was_ her work.  
"I don't really have time for hobbies Ben. I do kick-boxing if that counts? Otherwise the closest thing I have to hobbies are riding my motorbike and getting drunk."  
"Ah, a biker chick who can kick-box. That's hot." She rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, sorry. Getting drunk is a past time that we share however."  
"Doesn't everyone share it?"  
"Every medical professional." He corrected her and they shared a small laugh. They were just reaching the park but Ben hadn't finished with his game. "Okay, we'll set up and then I have more questions."  
"You do realise there's a limit; it's called twenty questions and I reckon you've had almost half."  
"Well what you must realise, Ms Naylor, is that I operate differently and I never said it was twenty questions, I merely said it was a game."  
"So it's an unlimited amount of questions?"  
"Well, the answers don't have to be unlimited; you already chose not to answer the one about your life changing experience. I am still guessing what that could be though, I hope you realise."  
"And you'll have to keep guessing. I think we should even it out. We'll take it in turns to ask each other questions. I mean, for all I know I've had dinner and now a picnic with a mass murderer."  
"Damn; how did you know about that without asking any questions?"  
"Your eyes have a murderous glint in them. I saw it the first time I met you and the way you were kind enough to help me move in and take me for dinner were the other signs." She smirked in classic Naylor style, although it was more playful sarcasm than her usual insults.  
"I'll have to be more careful in the future. Sandwich? Or do you want to start with the strawberries? I find starting in normal lunch order a bit boring."  
"Let's start with the strawberries then; we're really living life on the wild side."  
"I do feel rather rebellious." He winked and passed her the fruit. "Right do you have a question for me then?" She nodded before quickly finishing the strawberry that she had placed in her mouth.  
"I'm not chronological, so you'll have to forgive me. Okay, so your daughter's sixteen and you were married to her mother for how long?"  
"I married her mother when I was 23. Two years after Charlotte was born. Then we got divorced four years ago, so that's ten years." He expected her to say something about how young he was like everyone else did, or how it was a long time to be married, but she just nodded and waited for her question. "So I've just finished hobbies. Who was your first boyfriend as a teenager and then who was your first serious boyfriend?"  
"You sound like a girl."  
"What can I say? I like gossip. Answer the question Naylor."  
"Well, first of all there was another question in that question."  
"Questionception."  
"What?"  
"Nothing, please continue." She frowned a little, and then picked up another strawberry.

"Luckily for you the answer is the same for both. I had my first ever boyfriend when I was eighteen and I met him at uni. I stayed with him until I was 23 and I always thought he would be the person that I married."  
"So how come he wasn't?"  
"Ah I'm sorry, I thought we were taking it in turns? You'll have to wait." Ben sighed and rolled his eyes; she really was a tricky customer.  
"Right what's my question then?" He gulped down some orange juice quickly and prepared to answer.  
"Your question is: how often do you see Charlotte?"  
"I see Charlotte most weekends and in the school holidays if she isn't going away with her mother. So, the answer is not particularly often." He wasn't sure if she was making a note of all of his answers in her head because she never seemed to supply any remark after them, she just nodded and waited. "Okay then. Why didn't you marry your first boyfriend?"  
"Hmm, this is a difficult one. I'm not sure whether to feed you a false answer or the truth."  
"The truth is always better, but it's up to you. You can of course opt not to answer it."  
"But if I don't answer a question then you won't answer mine."  
"That's your choice Naylor. Although, you may have called me a girl before, but I don't share gossip, so I'm only a half-girl. Tell me what you want, and it stays private, obviously."  
"I'm still not so sure. So my answer could either be real or fake."  
"I'll make my judgement. But this means that I can do the same."  
"Fine. The reason I didn't marry Andrew, was because he died in a car crash." She looked down, hiding her facial expression; she didn't want him to be able to guess whether or not she was telling the truth by her face.  
"Okay. Well that doesn't sound like something someone would make up unless the truth is far worse. I'm going to have to think about that one. But, if it is true, then I'm sorry." She looked up with a puzzled expression. "It's customary to say sorry for your loss. Although, I never really understood that. Anyway, ask away Naylor." She decided that she liked this way of getting to know a person, except she wasn't sure whether it was because she was enjoying getting to know Ben.  
"Why did you divorce Catherine?" She said it quietly; she didn't know him properly yet and she worried that the wrong question would set him off. She needn't have worried though.  
"After being married ten years, I found out that for the last three of those she'd been having an affair. It's fair enough I mean we married young and we'd only really been with each other. The only thing is, I wish she'd have told me the truth and left me when she met the guy, because it would have saved a lot of humiliation on my part." Jac wasn't sure what this new feeling was. Her stomach tightened and she felt her cheeks fill with blush. "You alright?"  
"What? Yeah. I hope that wasn't your question." He shook his head quickly and smiled. The colour drained from her face as quickly as it had erupted there. The feeling in her stomach didn't really disappear though.  
"Alright, my real question is: was his death your life changing experience?" He was about to trick Jac Naylor into answering truthfully to the previous question, whatever she answered. Her only option would be to not answer.  
"Well, answering this question with anything would mean me giving away whether that answer was true or not. You really are cunning."  
"That's me."  
"Fine. It was half of my life changing experience."  
"Half? How can it be half?"  
"You're really not getting the concept of your own game are you?"  
"Sorry. You're a very complex person." She smirked at his response.  
"That's me. You're question: is Catherine still with the guy she cheated on you with?"  
"I wish I could say yes to this question because then I know that her throwing it all away would have meant something. But alas, no she isn't. She's had numerous... boyfriends, for want of a better word."  
"How can you be so happy?"  
"How can you not?"  
"Your wife cheated on you for no reason and you're alone and you don't get to see your kid all the time."

"So what? I found out before I was too old to find someone else. I'm not exactly _alone_ and I speak to Charlotte often enough and it's not like Catherine sees her either; she's a teenager, she's never at home."  
"How are you 'not exactly alone'?"  
"I have my friends; I try and meet new people. I've had girlfriends since Catherine but I don't need to settle down do I? I'm fine being on my own in that sense, but I'm not really alone. Even the loneliest people aren't as alone as they think they are. You'll always find that there's someone."  
"How philosophical."  
"I thought so. Sandwich?"  
"I will have one, seeing as I'm eating for two."  
"Then surely you should have two?"  
"But normally I'd only have half."  
"I see. Have we finished question time?"  
"I think so for now."  
"Me too."


	6. It's A

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Ben got paged soon after this, even though he was having a week off, as was the curse of being a cardiothoracic surgeon. He asked Jac if she needed walking back but she refused his offer politely and said she would finish the picnic. He pulled a confused face at her but she smiled in return and he shrugged his shoulders and left her.  
"I'll be coming back for my basket!" He shouted as he reached the gate of the park. Jac laughed but he was now too far away for him to hear it, only see it and other people around her would have thought she was laughing to herself, had there been other people near her. Clouds had suddenly formed overhead as it entered the 3 o'clock stage of the afternoon. She put everything back into the basket that wasn't eaten and pushed it to one side before lying back on the blanket. She had taken her sunglasses off at the first sign of the clouds but now as she closed her eyes she realised it was still quite bright and so she reached around for them. This time when they were on, no light was let through the two layers of the lenses and her eyelids. She could have almost fallen asleep had she not been incredibly awake and her mind as brilliantly busy as usual.

She allowed her mind to wander and for the first time she really thought about the pregnancy; the pregnancy was how she referred to her baby at this moment of time. She wasn't sure whether it was because she just wasn't excited about it or whether it was because it hadn't quite sunk in yet. Although it was probably a mixture of both; there were numerous reasons why she couldn't be excited for it yet. One of the reasons that instantly came to her mind was that she hadn't actually surpassed the five month stage before. At one point in her life she had already been this pregnant, but no further. It was never easy these days to keep that thought away from her mind, but she put it back into a mental box for now as she thought about her scan in two days time. She pretended, even to herself, that she hated going to the scans, looking at the black and white image of the wriggling baby on the screen. She pretended she wasn't interested in anything other than whether it was healthy. Except in the moment that she first heard the heartbeat, she knew that viewpoint had instantly changed and she knew that whatever happened, she would form some kind of bond with this being. Now that she had surpassed the length of her last pregnancy, she was given a little bit of confidence, but not much, just enough to find out the sex. She was just scared, she supposed, to get attached because something might happen. It always did because it was her and she had the worst luck in the world in terms of her own personal life.

It was late afternoon before she finally went back to the flat. She had continued to think about the pregnancy and her mind wandered once again into unchartered territory of maternity leave and childcare. It was this point at which she chose to leave because it was far too early to be thinking about it. Well actually it wasn't in normal pregnancy terms, but this was Jac's pregnancy and everything was happening far too soon. Ben had texted his apologies once again and to make up for it, she was making him take her shopping tomorrow because she desperately needed some new clothes. So after purchasing a whole new wardrobe in the most efficient manner Ben had ever seen a woman shop, she was finally ready to face the scan and Sacha the next day.

Sacha arrived as early as he could; he kept to the 80s mix tape as his journey playlist and this was the reason he was so awake at ten in the morning after woken up at five. Well, that was what he told Jac anyway. She was yet to be convinced that 80s tunes were the way forward. She kept the fact that she was going to a scan as a surprise for after they went for brunch.  
"I have never seen you eat so much!"  
"Well I'm eating for two." She said sarcastically.  
"Well it's good! You need some meat on you."  
"Are you planning to eat me as well as those sandwiches?"  
"Yep, I just have to lure you into a candy house."  
"Impossible. I hate sweets."  
"I do believe you ate a quality street at Christmas."  
"That was chocolate; they're completely different."  
"Ah I see." He smiled and continued to eat leaving a gap of silence for Jac to prepare to tell him.  
"Right Sacha, the plan for today has changed slightly. I know you wanted a tour and everything but something more important has come up."  
"You're not working already are you? I thought you gave yourself a week to settle in and meet people?"  
"Well, the only person I've talked to is Ben, although he has promised to introduce me to some new people."  
"Oh Ben's great. I know his younger brother."  
"Yeah, he told me."  
"So you've been hanging around with Ben eh?" He raised his eyebrows.  
"Don't suggest a thing. Firstly I'm a pregnant woman and secondly I barely know the guy."  
"I think you know him better than you think do. He plays that game, the question game with everyone he meets. I bet you were a challenge for him though. Did he get to ask you any questions before you kicked him in the balls?"  
"Well actually I answered most of his questions. Just left out some aspects that nobody knows and I'm not willing for anyone to find out."  
"Sounds very you. Tricky."  
"Thanks Sacha." She frowned, "Anyway, I'm not working but my surprise for you is that I changed my scan times so that I could have one today and you could be there."  
"That's great! I can't wait to see my god son or daughter, how have you still not found out?"  
"Well that's the other surprise, I'm finding out the sex today."  
"Oh how exciting! I can't wait; what time have you booked it for?"  
"It's in an hour actually, so hurry up with those sandwiches!"

They made the appointment with five minutes to spare. Jac didn't like being too early because she knew she would have to wait even if she was on time, but on the other hand she didn't approve of lateness. She was correct in her assumption as they had to wait another ten minutes before she was actually seen.  
"Jacqueline Naylor?" She stayed rooted to her seat while Sacha stood up.  
"Jac?"  
"Hmm, yeah?"  
"It's your turn."  
"Okay..." She slowly stood up from her seat. As soon as they had called her name she felt butterflies in her stomach and she didn't like the feeling of nervousness; it slowed all of her responses and made her more vulnerable. They made there way into a room with a bed and ultrasound set up while on the other side there was a desk behind which a middle-aged man sat behind a computer.  
"Doctor Johnson? Jacqueline Naylor for you." He looked up from his computer and a small, kind smile formed on his face. He held his hand out for her to shake before gesturing the seat in front of his desk. She sat down while Sacha took the one next to her after also shaking the doctor's hand.  
"Right, Jacqueline Naylor, I'll just get your notes up." She nodded but internally scowled at the persistent use of her full name. "Okay, endometriosis and that's why your scans are so frequent. This is your fifth scan yes?"  
"Yes."  
"Alright, well so far things are going alright so how about we take a look?"  
"I was wondering if I could find out the sex today?"  
"Have you not already been offered?"  
"Yes, but I just wanted to wait for a while. But I'm ready now." She said this with a mock confident smile.  
"Well of course. Just go ahead and jump on the bed then. Are you the father?" He was addressing Sacha now, who stood a little gormlessly next to Jac as she stood up. Normally Jac would have laughed at this suggestion but right now she was far too nervous to find anything remotely funny.  
"Er no..."  
"No he's just a friend, but I want him to stay."  
"Well as long as you're comfortable with that." She slid her shirt up slightly so that the bottom of her stomach was exposed to the cold gel which she winced at every time.  
"Right, here we go." She looked at the screen a second after Sacha, because she was too busy watching his expression.  
"Okay well everything is looking alright so far but I just want a urine and blood sample as well."  
"They didn't do that before." Sacha noted the panic in her voice; she hadn't even bothered to control it.  
"Well you're further on now and we have to take further precautions. I don't think there will be anything to worry about because the scan looks fine." She nodded and waited. He was about to tell her the sex of the baby. She hadn't looked at the scans close enough before to be able to tell because if she had then with her medical knowledge she would have found out straight away by herself. Was she ready for this? When she found out about this she would have to think of names and paint the nursery and...  
"Okay, so I know the sex of the baby, would you like me to tell you now?" She looked up at Sacha. It seemed as though he hadn't been trying to figure it out either, he wanted it to be a surprise and wanted to love the moment when the doctor told them. Sacha saw her looking at him with a slightly nervous look and picked up one of her hands and squeezed it. She smiled and turned back to the screen, this time looking more closely.  
"So I can tell you that you're having a-"  
"Girl." She finished for him, quietly. He smiled and nodded and brought the screen round more closely as she seemed more interested in it now.


	7. Not Truly Alone

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_"Oh, can I try and guess myself?"  
"Yeah sure." The midwife brought the screen a little closer and Jac scrunched her eyes up in concentration. She was 23 years old, almost at the end of her medical school career and was about to become an F1 at the hospital she was currently having a scan in.  
"Okay, don't laugh if I get it wrong though." Andrew squeezed her hand. He had no idea because he didn't have any medical training. Andrew was in his second year working for the environment agency. It was a good job and he himself was good at it and was already looking at a promotion in his sector of flood defences. "Right, well I think... we might be having... a boy..." The midwife smiled and nodded. Jac breathed out in a way that sounded like a laugh and then turned around to face Andrew whose expression had changed suddenly; the small smile on his face had been replaced by his mouth slowly opening as he just stared at the wriggling image on the screen. Jac squeezed his hand back now, and his concentration was once again on her.  
"We're having a boy." She said quietly. "We're having a mini you."  
"He had better be ginger." He joked and leaned in to kiss Jac. _

"I'm having a girl."  
"A mini you." Sacha mimicked the same words she'd said around fifteen years ago but the connection wasn't made. Instead she focussed on the image which before she'd tried so hard to ignore. She knew this would happen. As soon as she found out the sex it became a real person; it became someone to look forward to. She didn't look at Sacha while she wiped some stray tears from her face and he didn't look at her, allowing her moment of emotional weakness to go unnoticed.  
"Do you want some pictures printed?"  
"Er... yes... I'll have two please. The godfather has to have one." Sacha grinned as the images were quickly printed and one was placed in his hands.  
"Next thing is names and pink clothes and-" Sacha talked but Jac wasn't really concentrating. Her fingers traced the outline of the tiny being. She was almost five months and that meant that her baby girl would be there very soon. She thought about how she felt before the scan; she was unexcited and nervous, although right now she couldn't believe how unattached she had been. She was the most pregnant she'd ever been, and there was less that could go wrong. She was wrong about the scan making her feel worse. She had envisioned herself panicking about getting things ready only to be let down but now as she continued to stare, she vowed to make sure that nothing went wrong and that meant taking more care of herself. The worries evaporated and she was left with an overwhelming sense of excitement and for the first time, she felt happy that this was happening.

Sacha stayed that night and neither of them got any sleep; they were too busy catching up with each other's lives. Sacha was the only thing that Jac missed about Holby; sure they could speak on the phone but it was impersonal and she much preferred to share her news face to face because somehow, he always knew when there was something different by her facial expression. He was the only one who took the time to work it out and she realised that actually, he was her best friend. They marvelled over the scan pictures numerous times throughout the evening, and while Sacha voiced his imaginary scenarios about the Naylor baby, Jac saw them in her head. Jac had already taken a huge step towards a bond with the child she no longer called the pregnancy by finding out the sex. It was now her baby girl or mini Naylor. However, there was one thing she couldn't do just yet, and that was think of names. That, for Jac, was just a step too far for her. She was still bordering on the cautious edge of things.

When Sacha left, she realised how much she missed speaking to him and having him there to instantly share news with. While she was hardly the centre of attention at Holby where gossip was concerned, she always had some news which Sacha found out first. He was the same with her, sometimes she even found out before Chrissie. Now by the sound of things, Mo had taken her place as best friend at Holby, which she thought was unfair because she already had Jonny. She wondered how Jonny was these days. She hadn't heard from him since she left and she realised she must have really hurt him for him not to want to play any part in his kid's life. This was Jonny, who was basically a ready made father. As she continued to think about her life back in Holby and about Jonny who she'd spent the last few months trying to forget, she found her excitement faltering. She decided it was because she didn't have anyone to share it with and realised that she hadn't spoken to Ben since their picnic. This time she would call him first; she wondered whether he could be the new Sacha. She instantly felt guilty for thinking it because no matter how hard anyone tried, they couldn't replace him and while he was further away, he was still always there. No, Ben was just another friend. Somehow, within a few days, he had already made it as her friend which was a mean feat for anyone.

"Are you busy?"  
"Hey Naylor. I'm just with Charlotte, we're about to go shopping. If you're not busy you should join us."  
"I wouldn't like to impose."  
"Oi, Charlotte, do you mind if my friend joins us? No, okay she says it's fine. We're setting off now, are you ready to be picked up straight away?"  
"I can be."  
"Alright, see you in ten."  
"Bye Ben."  
"See you soon." And as always, she had to put the phone down on him. After she had done so, she instantly regretted the decision to go with them. She wasn't particularly great around teenagers and she would be highly socially awkward in this situation. If only she could cope with being alone for a day. She'd managed it before when she was much younger than this. Maybe she had got used to company as she grew older. First it was Joseph, then Jonny and of course she had Sacha's companionship over the years. So really, over the past eight years or so, she'd never been truly alone, as Ben had told her the other day. Even now she wasn't; Ben had been quick to offer himself as a friend and she had taken the chance, realising subconsciously that she needed someone, even if he was just a friend.

As promised, Ben rocked up ten minutes after she had hung up the phone. She had already been dressed as she was not one to spend her days in her pyjamas, even if she was living in Manchester now. She had somehow managed to find some half decent maternity clothes, as well as the God-awful looking leggings that were just so darn comfortable. She vowed to never wear these outside of the house though. She stepped outside before he had made it to her door, because she had seen his car pull up front the living room.  
"Alright eager beaver." He joked; she just rolled her eyes.  
"I saw your car out of the window."  
"Because you were looking out for me?"  
"Obviously. No, I was looking through my old F1's research papers whilst sat in the living room."  
"Sounds like you had that excuse prepared."  
"Sounds like _you_ want a kick in the back side."  
"Sounds fabulous." He winked then opened her car door, as always. His friendly flirting was becoming a regular thing and so it was only fair for her to join in, especially because she knew it wouldn't go anywhere. It was completely harmless.

"Introductions, Charlotte, this is Jac, Jac this is Charlotte." Charlotte looked up from her book in the back seat directly behind Jac.  
"Alright?"  
"Er, yeah thanks. You?" Charlotte smiled. That kind of greeting got everyone. Was it meant as a casual hey, or were they actually asking whether you were alright?  
"I'm good thanks. So you work with dad, right?"  
"I start next week actually. I only just moved up here."  
"Oh yeah that's right. Do you like it up here?"  
"What I've seen is nice."  
"You haven't seen much then?"  
"You're only knocking it because you've lived here for so long. I'm sure Jac would tell you that Holby isn't that great but you'd love it. It's always the way."  
"Hmm, probably." With that, Charlotte obviously felt like she had made enough of a contribution to the conversation and went back to reading her book. Ben shrugged his shoulders and Jac smiled somewhat nervously.  
"So Naylor, if I remember correctly, you had a scan today. What's the story?"  
"Everything is fine, although they wanted a blood and urine sample because of the endometriosis. I also found out the sex today." She bit her lip to stop herself from telling him straight away; she wanted him to ask.  
"How come you've only just found out?"  
"I didn't want to before because I didn't need to. Anyway... Ask me..." He rolled his eyes sarcastically.  
"Okay, Jacqueline Naylor... What... are... you..." he was being painfully slow just to try her patience.  
"I'm having a girl!"  
"Congratulations!" he took one hand off the steering wheel and used it to pat her shoulder; that's all he could do while he was driving. All that Jac would let him do. "Ah yeah, two hands. Eyes on the road." She had shot him a look for not concentrating enough on the road; he remembered her telling him about her boyfriend, the one who died in a car accident. He found himself wondering if she had been in the car with him; that sort of thing could really change a person. Whilst he thought about it and speculated in his own mind, he didn't dare to ask; that was way too personal. "Does this mean shopping for everything pink and painting the nursery then?"  
"What else would it mean?" She smiled at him which he saw out of the corner of his eye, as he was making sure to face forwards always.  
"Have you got any names thought up yet?"  
"Nope, I'm going to wait for a while before that."  
"Why? It'll come sooner than you think and then you'll be stuck with Baby Girl Naylor and next thing you know Baby Girl Naylor is 30 years old having an early midlife crisis because you called her that."  
"Oh gee thanks Ben. I will think of some names; I just haven't had any bright ideas yet."  
"Eliza, that's a nice name. Amelia's cute too. Charlotte is my favourite name but I've already taken that one so you can't have it." Charlotte looked up at the mention of her name, but realising they weren't talking to her she went back to her book quietly.  
"Okay not Charlotte. What else do you have?"  
"Kate, Olivia... I dunno. Do you know what you need? You need one of those baby name books. We'll have a look for one today if you want?" She nodded, but in her head she had already decided she wasn't going to read it until she was ready and that could be a while yet. She had already got too close by knowing the sex and she wasn't beginning to realise that now, as she imagined little Kate or Amelia or Olivia... Each was a smaller, much younger version of herself but for some reason they all had a Scottish accent and curly hair...


	8. Gok Wan

**Heyy! So I've finally been allowed on the FAMILY laptop except my sister thinks it's just hers :/ Hence why my updates are so erratic. Sorry guys. Also, I dropped my memory stick all the way down the stairs and I've only backed up the next couple of chapters even though I had up to chapter 19 written up :'( THIS ACTUALLY MADE ME SOB. I have to write them all again. There is a lesson to learn here and that is to not drop your memory stick down the stairs... Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, a certain someone is featured :) Thank you for all your reviews etc. xx**

_"I borrowed one of those baby name books from Carol next door. She had loads of them! Well I guess she needed a few with the amount of kids she's got. I swear there's a new one every time I pop round." Jac laughed as Andrew flopped on to the sofa beside her. He placed one hand on her swollen stomach and the other kept a firm grip on the colourful book. He pecked her cheek before opening the book up to a random page. He began reading through the list, missing out some girls' names but stopping at the ones he thought were nice and suggested they would do for the next one, if it was a girl. At which point Jac would shake her head but smile.  
"Let's just have this one first, shall we?"  
"Are you telling me that I'm not going to be allowed an entire ginger football team?"  
"Well you're not getting a football team from me! How many is in a football team again?"  
"Oh come on Jac. We went through this just before I explained the offside rule..."  
"I can remember... one sec... it's something like ten. Either way, I would like to keep hold of a little of my figure."  
"It's eleven actually. Fine, I'll just go adopt some more ginger children then."  
"What is this obsession you have with gingers?"  
"It seemed to start when I met you." He said in a sarcastically mushy voice.  
"Oh, hold on a sec while I just vomit." He laughed before realising that she was serious.  
"It's not even the morning!" He said, exasperated but he followed her once again to the bathroom to hold her hair. _

"What about this one?" Ben was rummaging the shelves at the Waterstones they had not so much wandered into but purposely strolled into to find the baby books.  
"I really don't know. Just grab whatever you think looks good and let's get out of here."  
"Where's excited Jac gone?"  
"She probably left with the twelfth woman who came up to us to ask us how far gone we are and tell us that we look like we'll make great parents."  
"Well get used to it Jac. It happens a lot."  
"Firstly you're a guy Ben and you've not got them clawing at your stomach have you?"  
"Oh come on, let's not fight. It's not good for the baby." He smirked as he pulled another book from the shelf and added it to the already mountain-high pile he had organised on a chair next to him.  
"You make one more joke like that and-"  
"And what are you going to do about it? You're five months pregnant and you waddle. Do you really think you're in any position to kick my arse?"  
_"I. Do. Not. Waddle." _She had pulled the book from the top of his pile and hit his arm every time she enunciated a word.  
"Ouch, okay! Okay! Just stop hitting me!" She put the book back down on to the pile and walked around to the other side of the shelf, finding herself in the gardening section. "Are we done then?" She laughed as he peeped his head around the edge of the shelf to look at her.  
"I think so. I seem to have enough baby books to start a library so that's a good sign to stop."  
"It's best to be prepared and this is your first so everything is new and exciting but you're going to need all the help you can get. I swear Katherine and I lived by these things." She came back round to his side and looked through the pile of books.  
"Pretty sure I know how to change a nappy." She handed him the book back. "You've also chosen three books that are basically about the same things; I'm only going to need one of them to tell me that a certain cry means they're hungry or whatever." She handed him two more. "Right, five baby name books? Really? It's one baby and they have all the same names in them anyway." She rolled her eyes before handing him four more books. Eventually he had more books to put back than she had to pay for.

They met Charlotte an hour or so later when they had purchased some pale pink paint and princess wallpaper, both chosen and paid for by Ben while Jac heavily contested that no child of hers would be a pink-obsessed girly-girl. After lunch, Ben and Jac were dragged around various clothes shops, both pointing out the ridiculously ugly things while Charlotte rolled her eyes like a typical teenager.  
"Hey Jac! Jac! I think _this_ would really, really suit you." He held up a yellow and orange floral vest top whilst trying his hardest not to laugh. "It would really bring out the colour of your hair."  
"My hair is ginger, not fluorescent orange!" She laughed at him as he shuddered and threw the item of clothing back on to the rails. It was actually an improvement on the disorganised state of the shop.  
"Okay, how about this then? Those two _obviously _go together." This time he had picked out some patterned leggings were a mouldy green kind of colour with a strange Aztec kind of pattern and held them next to the orange top he had previously thrown. This time neither of them could contain their laughter, gaining them some very strange looks from there fellow shoppers and Ben some evils from his daughter. "Blimey. If looks could kill."  
"Right come on Gok Wan, why don't we wait outside?" Jac said whilst trying to stop herself from laughing. He attempted a hair flick which actually worked well as his mousey brown hair fell over his eyes most of the time anyway.  
"I think that would be a marvellous idea Jac." He said in the campest voice he could muster before grabbing her arm and pulling her out through the huge crowd blocking the isle to the exit.

"I'm going to give her another half an hour and then I think we'd better be off. She has bought hardly anything and yet we have been in every single clothes shop in this place."  
"Well you know how it is with teenage girls..." Jac tried to make herself sound very knowing of the world.  
"How do you know what it's like with teenage girls?" Ben raised an eyebrow sarcastically.  
"If it had escaped your notice, I am a female and at one stage I was a teenager."  
"Never!"  
"Yeah it's true. There was a time of my life when I was over twelve but under twenty. I don't particularly remember it though. It's just a blur of drunken nights and..." She trailed off, almost looked nostalgically into the distance. Ben shook his head at her and she came out of her 'transient' state.  
"So this is how you're so knowledgeable of the world Jacqueline."  
"Yes Benjamin, it's true. I have in fact gone through life chronologically like everyone else."  
"You could have fooled me. I honestly thought you had just arrived here, as you are, the perfect all-grown-up heart surgeon." Charlotte finally made her way out of the shop that Jac and Ben had caused disruption in and they were all ready to go home. On the journey back, Jac even offered to cook dinner for them, but Charlotte had to be back at her mum's and Ben wouldn't be back till late from dropping her off.  
"It will have to be next time then."  
"I really do want to sample this beans on toast."  
"Ah actually I've moved further on; I can now cook pasta."  
"Congratulations." He clapped sarcastically before getting back into his car. She found herself waving them off on her doorstep before actually going into her house.

She collapsed on to the sofa, feeling more tired than usual because of Mini Naylor. She began to think about how strange this all was. In just a few days she had made a friend in her new town and more than that, she knew by just speaking to him over the past few days that he could be someone to trust. She thought about the game they had played when they went on the picnic; it seemed he had gone through some tough times just as she had in life. Maybe that's why she found it easy to speak to him; she didn't receive any pity, just understanding. She suddenly found herself remembering Christmas 2012. She had just put the angel on top of the tree and next she found out about Jonny. She hadn't known it about him before; he too didn't tell people because he didn't want pity. They were similar in that respect and she thought about how that made them close for just a brief period of time. Then of course, it all went wrong.

Sacha had made up his mind and knew exactly what he was going to do. He strolled confidently on to Darwin and greeted Mo in his usual manner before asking, strangely, where Jonny was. Mo pointed to where her best friend was chatting to a patient. Sacha decided to wait until he had stopped before grabbing him.  
"Er Jonny?"  
"Sacha, what are you doing up here? If it's Mo you want she's just over there." He pointed at his best friend in a similar fashion.  
"Uhm, no actually it's you I need to speak to." Sacha pulled something out of his pocket. Whatever it was, it was small and was folded once. There was some writing on the back that Jonny couldn't quite see yet. "This is for you." Before Jonny could even open up the little sheet of paper, Sacha had walked quickly away while Jonny stared after him. After Sacha had made it to the lift, Jonny's concentration now fell upon the small sheet in his hands. He unfolded it, first seeing the side without writing on. His face expressed his slight confusion before he turned it around.  
'Baby Girl Naylor, five month scan.' It was as though someone had shoved their fist into his chest and was squeezing his heart, building up the pressure. Underneath this there seemed to be a random address. Well, random until Jac's name was written beneath.


	9. Fancy Dress Fundraisers

**Hellooo thanks for reading and the reviews etc! I'm having a little bit of writer's block at the moment :( But don't worry that isn't until chapter 19 :') I managed to write up all the lost chapters yesterday, took me flippin' ages. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, 'fraid you're going to have to wait for more Jonny :P Pleaseee review xx**

Ben called her up the night before she was due to start work and apologised profusely for not speaking to her before then; he had been busy with Charlotte and got paged into work a couple of times too. Jac didn't mind of course; she had made her own entertainment which included going food shopping and attempting to bake some form of cake. None of her six attempts were particularly good, although after trying a sample of all of them, at least two of them were edible. After her disastrous couple of days baking, it was time for her to start her new job. Ben, whilst giving her plenty of excuses as to why he hadn't been round, had also offered her a lift. Usually she liked to drive herself to work on her bike, but that had been left deserted from the moment she found out she was having a girl, when she could actually get attached to the being inside her. It lay dormant in her garage attached to the side of her house. Her car hadn't seen much action lately either, what with Ben taking her _everywhere that's anywhere_ in the city. So without her bike she accepted his offer; she didn't particularly like driving her own car now that she was pregnant; too much responsibility on her.

Ben picked her up bright and early; she once again saw his red Golf parked outside her house. He beeped his horn and she couldn't help but laugh because it was six o'clock in the morning and he had surely just woken up her neighbours. When she finally made it out of the house he noticed how very different she looked to the previous occasions he had seen her. She looked far more stern and professional, wearing a white blouse, black suit trousers and black blazer. She had tied her hair up into a pony tail and she was wearing a little more make-up than before. He opened his car door just so he could go round to her side and open the door for her, something he had been doing since they had met and not once had Jac pulled him up on it. Usually she would have torn him a new one because she was pregnant and not disabled. But he wasn't doing it because she was pregnant, Jac realised, he was doing it to be funny but he also had manners. When he got out of the car, Jac saw that he had changed very little. He still wore those black, slightly too -skinny skinny jeans, which he must have had fifty pairs of. However this time he had paired them up with a blue and white striped shirt and blue tie. She noticed how the colour brought out the bright blue sparkle of his eyes, encased by his thick-rimmed black glasses. He hadn't shaved for a while, probably because of him being called into work so often and he wouldn't have had time. It didn't make him look scruffy though, on the contrary, his not-yet-beard but passed-stubble look gave him a manly edge. If she was going to compare him to someone it would have usually been the Broadchurch David Tennant but paired with his clothes today he looked a bit more like a model from the older man section of the Topman brochure. "Morning, you look..."  
"Smart? Dashing? Handsome? Yes I know."  
"I was going to say 'on trend' although I'm not sure such a phrase should ever be used to describe a 37 year old man."  
"Oh, okay so I have to explain." They both got into the car now, and Ben turned the radio down slightly, just enough to be able to hear their voices above it. "The glasses were Charlotte's idea, she said they made me look younger."  
"They do, the glasses are alright."  
"Okay, well the rest of it is my own choice."  
"How many pairs of those jeans do you own?"  
"Ah good question; I have three black pairs and three dark blue. I once bought a burgundy pair, and then Charlotte almost disowned me so they were a no."  
"You're almost forty and you're still wearing skinny jeans."  
"Well it's not my fault I have nice legs." He flipped his hair again; a move that just summarised Ben. "Anyway, I see you're looking different today, very smart Naylor." She smiled and he turned on the engine and they started the relatively short journey to the hospital. To keep up his 'on trend' look, Ben tried to sing along with the songs that came on the radio, although he knew very few of them.  
"Ben, Ben! Firstly, if you don't mind me saying so, you're tone deaf. Secondly, you're listening to, what's this? Key 103? Okay and you wonder why you don't know any of the words. Switch it to Absolute Radio."  
"I'm not tone deaf!" He sulked but switched the station. A few moments later he was singing along to a more familiar song and, if you were to listen carefully enough, one might have heard Jac humming along too.

"Right everyone, can I just have your attention for a second?" a small crowd gathered around Ben and a small in comparison Jac. "Okay, it was sad that we had to say goodbye to James last month and the numerous locums we've had since but I now wish to introduce a new permanent team member, Jac Naylor cardiothoracic consultant. I'm sure a few of you have already heard of her; she introduced some ground-breaking technology to Holby and we've employed her to do the same here. So could we all welcome her in the usual way," the crowd clapped a little while Jac stood; now looking a little taller after her great introduction. "Right, you can introduce yourselves separately in a moment, I'm just going to show Jac to her office, in the meantime let's all get back to work, thanks." There were several mutterings of the word pregnant which Jac caught as Ben guided her away to their shared office.  
"Alright, this is your desk and general working area; there's your computer, you'll need to set up a work email, I'll help you if you want. Then we're going to catch you up on James' cases, oh by the way, first name terms here, unless you're in front of a patient, but even then really. Er... I don't know if I've missed anything out."  
"Right, well we'll just take things as they come then shall we?" She smiled at him and sat behind her desk. She had to adjust the chair slightly to make it more ergonomically suited to her and not the seven foot tall man she imagined sitting here before her. She shuffled forward under the desk and Ben made his way round the back of her to help her make her account.

"That's the boring bit over; let's see some patients!" He sounded genuinely excited about this and Jac could only imagine his perfect bedside manner outshining her well, lacking-in-empathy sort of approach.  
"Alright Flick can you show Jac to where Mrs Stevens is residing currently and I'll start here."  
"You're not coming with?"  
"I didn't realise you needed me to hold your hand Naylor. I was under the impression that you were a fully qualified heart surgeon stripes and all."  
"Very funny. But she must know you better and wouldn't it be a good idea for someone familiar to explain why her care has changed hands?"  
"Well that's why you've got Flick, our very, very capable senior nurse." He shoed her away in a sarcastic manner and didn't stop watching her until she made it to her patient.

"Hello, Mrs Stevens I'm Jac Naylor and I'm taking over your care from James Hall."  
"For how long? Looks like you're about to pop any second."  
"Well I don't quite see what my pregnancy has to do with your condition seeing as you shouldn't be here for that long. However, I'll humour you because my boss is stood right behind me." She turned around, and of course Ben stood about half a metre away from her.  
"Do you have like, eyes in the back of your head? That's a cool party trick." Ben winked at the patient who smiled  
"Checking up on me? I don't need anyone to hold my hand you know." She smirked, although their work relationship seemed to heading off on the wrong foot. "Anyway, I'm due in four months Mrs Stevens, which gives me plenty of time to deal with your case and in fact many others not currently even in this hospital."  
"That's lovely dear, except I'd much rather be treated by Ben. No offense, but I know him and it's a guarantee he won't go off on maternity leave while I'm having a heart attack or something."  
"I don't know about that Mrs Stevens, I'm feeling pretty broody right now." The patient laughed but Jac just rolled her eyes, already impatient with the way things were going.  
"Anyway, you're scheduled in for a valve replacement, pretty standard. I'll go through the risks with you and then we'll get you prepped. Now, am I doing my job properly?" This question was aimed at Ben.  
"I'll leave you to it then, sorry Mrs Stevens." He waved bye as he walked back to his own patient. Jac sighed heavily; she didn't want to be mad at Ben for undermining her because it was her first day. She also got along with him really well outside of work and the more she thought about it, he had helped with getting the patient on side. She managed to talk through the surgery with Mrs Stevens with no further talk of the pregnancy other than the usual "Oh is it a girl or a boy?" and "Have you thought of any names yet?".

She finally finished her ward round, having introduced herself to the easy patients who gladly accepted her as their new doctor. Then there were the more tricky ones who needed Ben's reassurance that she was in fact a doctor who was capable of treating them. In the end she realised that Ben wasn't in fact undermining her and she really did need to stop being so defensive. Throughout the day, she was introduced to various doctors and nurses only a few of which she could remember the names of by the end of the day. She walked into her office having finished in theatre for the last time that day, although she was still dressed in the wrong coloured scrubs. She had been used to the purple shade from Darwin but here they were a deep red, similar to those she had worn on Keller which confused her a little. She slumped back in her chair and flicked her mouse so that the computer screen came to life. There was nothing remotely interesting in her new inbox, just a welcome email from the director of surgery whose name was Robert Johnson who wanted her to call him Bob. The use of first names made her cringe slightly as she thought about the lack of professionalism; she worried that what came next would be something like dress down Fridays or fancy dress fundraisers, the thought of which made her feel slightly queasy although that could have been down to her lack of lunch that day.  
"Hey Naylor, are you ready for your lift home then?" She didn't notice Ben walk into the room; she looked up and saw him with his satchel and thought about how apt her description was before.  
"Yeah, I just need to check on Mrs Stevens first, I told her I would see her before I go."  
"Ah there it is."  
"There what is?" her tiredness was coming through as grumpiness, which couldn't exactly be avoided.  
"There's your bedside manner. It's a shame your patients don't see it much." She bit back her ready defensive response because she knew he was just being sarcastic.  
"Yeah, well I'm just going and I'll meet you in the car park." Her new response was a little moodier than she had anticipated as she stood up from her chair.  
"What's this? No Naylor sarcasm? I thought that was how we communicated, well that and games of unlimited questions." She just shrugged her shoulders before leaving the room.

"Come on Naylor, what's wrong? You've hardly spoken since we left the hospital and I really thought you'd have something to say about those overweight ladies in leggings."  
"First day tiredness." This was only half true and Ben guessed it; they were both sat in his car and were on their way back to their respective homes.  
"No really, what's up? Have I upset you?" Well if he was asking for it, she'd have to tell him.  
"That's not how I imagined my first day going. I thought that we'd all be professional and I'd be called Ms Naylor and people would call you Mr Clark and staff wouldn't mutter about me being pregnant and you, of all people, wouldn't undermine me." She finished her mini rant without having stopped for breath.  
"Okay first of all what is wrong with people calling you Jac?"  
"Oh nothing at all when we're not in front of a patient. I just think it ruins the whole 'we're at work image'."  
"Right, well up north we do things a little differently and that's why people say we're friendlier. Anyway," he said quickly, trying not to start another argument with her, "people were obviously going to mutter and gossip about you being pregnant, you've just started a new job with a baby bump, people are going to be curious as to why we employed you."  
"It's not really any of their business is it?" Jac seemed to have forgotten the first time she had laid eyes on Mo Effanger who was joining Holby fit to burst.  
"Well it is if you're their new boss and they're shifting from person to person; people usually appreciate a bit of continuity."

"Fine."  
"When did I undermine you?" He sounded quite casual about it and Jac realised he wasn't the type of guy to get worked up about things, so he wouldn't mind her telling him.  
"With my first patient of the day you first told me to go alone and then followed me to her before using that fake charm thing to make me look like an idiot."  
"First of all, my charm is not 'fake' and I think you know that. Secondly, I'm sorry for following you but you've got to see that it was funny and, did she or did she not let you treat her afterwards? I'm pretty sure you led on that valve replacement."  
"If you do have real charm I bet it's that cheesy kind of stuff that Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Anniston fall for." Although she was insulting him, her tone was a lot softer, and without saying so to his face, they both knew she had forgiven him.  
"Oh I see so I'm the main stud in one of those rom-com things that all girls love but just pretend they don't? I bet you have stash of those DVDs hidden away in the attic, along with a TV and DVD player set up and when you're sad you go up there with your Ben and Jerry's and watch a few of your favourites which only have slightly different storylines but in the end, the girl gets her man. Somehow you can relate them to your own life, obviously, and that's how it starts."  
"You sound too familiar with this Ben, are we sure we're not talking about you here?" He smirked but didn't reply as they parked on the pavement next to her house.  
"Here we go. Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?"

"Are we working the same shifts all this week?"  
"Nope, I'm not in Wednesday so you'll have to make you're own way in. Then I think you're on nights next week."  
"Fabulous. Okay you can pick me up tomorrow then." She said it as though she was doing him a favour and he laughed at her as she got out of the car. "Are you coming in for a drink?" She asked this casually but felt obliged.  
"Er no, I think I'm going to go home and crawl into bed and not open my eyes until my phone alarm wakes me up so annoyingly that I want to throw it across the room. But thanks for the offer."  
"I'm glad you said no, I'm too tired."  
"Then why did you offer?" they were both laughing a little but it was that kind of laughter when you're so tired that everything is funny.  
"Just... you know... I dunno. The friendly north stuff has got to me. Goodnight Ben."  
"Night Naylor." She had already turned around but she lifted her hand and waved backwards. He waited until she had made it in, feeling obliged to do so.


	10. Pink Paint

**Shalom peeps :P Thanks for reading/reviewing! Another mention of David T for you here, I'll try and write some more in! ;) Hope you enjoy this chapter, please review :D xx**

As promised, Ben arrived nice and early to pick Jac up, once again wearing black skinny jeans and an 'on trend' shirt, this time pink. He had gelled his hair up today which made him look a little bit like David Tennant as the tenth doctor. She thought about all of this as she sat on the passenger seat having moved several books to the back first.  
"Oh, I was reading that one yesterday." He pointed towards the one on the top of the pile.  
"_The Fault in Our Stars._ Is it any good?"  
"Well Charlotte's been banging on about this book and going to see the author, something Green, so I thought I'd give it a go. Turns out it's rather depressing."  
"What's it about?"  
"Kids falling in love and then dying."  
"That sounds fun-filled and child friendly."  
"That's what I thought." He raised his eyebrows and looked behind him before turning away from Jac's street and heading off.  
"So you went for the pink shirt today, very risky, not many men can pull it off."  
"But I can and that's what you're saying?" She shook her head and hummed along louder this time to the radio which, she found had stayed on Absolute.

They did this every day that week, apart from Wednesday when Ben wasn't working as Jac was in charge of the ward. He texted her throughout the day though; a lot of it was inappropriate while she was with patients and so at lunchtime she had to ring him and tell him off, which resulted in him telling her off for using her phone in front of patients.  
"Ah well with the casual nature of this place I thought it'd be fine." She had replied sarcastically. After that week Jac was a lot more comfortable with people using her first name though and as long as they didn't accidentally call her Jacqueline, she was actually quite friendly towards them. She decided that it was the pregnancy making her soft, but just as she thought she had lost her fiery spark, an F1 thought it would be a fabulous idea to ignore her instructions about a patient; her reputation had almost fought it's way back in after that rant. Ben couldn't say he was surprised at the way she handled the F1, but instead of the reaction she had expected from him, instead he quickly walked back into his office. After the F1 had apologised profusely and brought her a milkshake, it was over and long forgotten; that was the way Jac was. She walked into her shared office with Ben and found him actually crying from laughter.  
"Please tell me that wasn't just hormones because it was absolutely hilarious and it needs to continue after the baby." His glasses lay discarded on his and he was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.  
"You're not going to tell me I was too harsh?"  
"Oh definitely not; I hate that kid. It was what he deserved too, shouldn't be undermining senior surgeons."  
"You don't hate anyone, and yes well, you would know."  
"Oh I hate a few people. Ah yes, if I didn't know before I certainly know never to get on the wrong side of you again." He did a mock salute as she sat down behind her desk sipping her strawberry milkshake.

It was a couple of weeks before Jac had finally managed to find herself some free time. She wasn't doing paperwork or starting a heart or shouting at F1s. Ben however, was working and she realised that the two of them hadn't shared a day off since she had started working there. It was probably because they, the senior surgeons, couldn't trust the registrars to deal with the F1s proficiently enough in their absence. With her day off she found herself wandering around shops that sold everything baby. She hadn't meant to but after working so much in the past two weeks, she realised she hadn't been especially concerned about her lack of a cot and pram and other such necessities. She realised that really, she hadn't even been aware of Mini Naylor except from wearing a bigger size scrub top; this was quite sad as she remembered her excitement at the moment she had found out the sex. It was only natural then that when she didn't have anything to concentrate on other than Baby Girl Naylor, that she found herself drawn to these types of shops and in the process severely diminishing her bank balance somewhat.

_"Andrew, Andrew! I really like this one; it's not too out of our price range is it?" He quickly walked to her side and stared at the pram she was pointing at.  
"Babe, this is way out of our price range. Although, I could ask my mum and dad to pay for it; they said anything we needed."  
"Are you not too proud to ask them?"  
"Not if this is the one you really want. It can be their present anyway for being the child to give them a grandchild first." He stuck his chest out and smiled broadly.  
"Okay then, well next time we can bring them with us and show them which one it is."  
"That sounds good. Meanwhile I have spotted a cot that is well within our price range. I'm going to go and pay for that while you search for bottles and the other stuff that I forget about but you're oh so good at remembering or making up when you see one." He grinned at her before heading off to the tills. _

She mooched around and felt herself getting more and more excited as she looked at different prams all shades of pinks and yellow and purple and blue. She decided to be efficient and looked for one that could be converted into more of a buggy-type thing when Mini Naylor was old enough. She soon found exactly what she was looking for in the form of a primary school yellow and green number with different animals printed on its hood and sides. She found herself grinning and she turned around, almost expecting him to be stood by her side as he was before. Although was it him she was looking for or someone else? Either way nobody was there and so she nodded to herself. She realised she was starting to look a little bit mad and so she pointed out the pram to the nearest assistant who carried it to the till for her. Then she set off round the shop again, this time with a little less excitement as she realised she was doing this alone.

"Do you need someone to help you carry these to your car?" the too friendly shop assistant asked as she handed Jac's card back to her. Jac turned and stared at the several boxes; it was pretty annoying that she didn't think to bring her car.  
"Er I don't actually have my car with me. I'll call a taxi, is it all right if I just wait here?"  
"Yeah that should be fine." She wasn't waiting long before her taxi arrived. The shop assistant and the driver, who introduced himself as Mike, carted all her things to the car. Mike also helped her carry her boxes upstairs, which earned him a larger than usual tip. She of course had had to deal with baby talk through the journey home and felt she deserved her own tip for putting up with it.

After a tiring day shopping she settled down in front of the TV which she had grown quite accustomed to in her months before starting her job here. She flicked through the channels before halting on a repeat of Embarrassing Bodies. After several episodes she found herself tiring of oversized body parts and so she sidled past the pram which was blocking half of the hallway and went upstairs to start on her purchases. She walked into the room and sat down on the floor, which luckily was already carpeted. She opened the closest box to her and pulled out various pieces of wood and several screws. She found the instructions at the bottom of the box but it was all extremely alien to her. After about fifteen minutes of staring at said instructions she gave up and called Ben.  
"You busy?"  
"Hello Naylor, well by busy do you mean sitting in an office with my feet up having a well deserved lunch?"  
"Well deserved?"  
"It's been mad in here today; we could've really done with another pair of hands." He was trying to guilt trip her but it wasn't going to work, she had done her fair share of work that week to earn her a day off.  
"Should get one of the F1s in then."  
"I'd rather struggle with what we have than let another F1 cause havoc here. Anyway, did you call for a particular reason or do you just love hearing my beautiful Welsh vowels? "  
"Those Welsh vowels have long since been hidden by your northern tones dear." Although she had to admit that when his long-since-lost 'Welshness' came through in his accent she did love the sound. "Anyway, I actually called to ask if you knew anyone who was good at DIY?"  
"Got a couple of shelves you need putting up?"  
"Yeah, those and a cot that needs building."  
"I'll get someone on it this evening if you want."  
"That would be great. Although I don't know whether I should paint the room before putting the cot up?"  
"It won't matter, although I can't believe you still haven't painted that room yet. You've had the paint for almost a month now!"  
"Yeah, and I have also been working and I'm too busy being pregnant to do any such work."  
"I guess I'll get someone to paint for you then?"  
"That would be fabulous."  
"Are you off tomorrow? I can't remember if you booked two days or just today off."  
"I have tomorrow off too."  
"Okay, well we are going out then."  
"Fine."  
"You could sound a little more excited."  
"Oh my gosh yay, I can't wait for this."  
"I don't appreciate the sarcasm but I'll take it. Later Naylor."  
"Oh no don't go Ben, I was enjoying the tone of your Welsh vowels..." she couldn't say it without laughing but he waited for her to stop, just so she could say bye, as was his way.  
"Bye Ben." She hung up the phone as always. She was still sat, cross-legged in Baby Girl Naylor's bedroom. The boxes were almost central in the large room which meant she could get around and perhaps get started on the painting. It would give her something to do anyway.

It was late afternoon when her doorbell rang. She was dressed in an overly large shirt and leggings although you couldn't see much of her outfit because of the area that pink paint covered. She opened the door with one hand whilst she held a paintbrush in the other, having forgotten to put it down.  
"Ben! Have you just finished work?"  
"Yep, I'm here for the DIY and painting although I see you've pretty much got that covered, or you've pretty much got covered in that. See what I did there?"  
"Hilarious. I thought you were asking a friend?"  
"I'm a man of many trades, Jac, show me the cot."

"Call me a pessimist but I see this ending badly." However, she opened the door wider and let him in. He followed her up the stairs to where half of the room had been painted pink and the other half was still an odd yellowy-brown colour.  
"Right, well seeing as you're a short arse, I'll paint the top before starting on the cot. We've got plenty of time."  
"Hey! I'm not _that_ short." She dipped her brush in the tin and flicked it at him.  
"I know you liked me in pink Jac but I did actually like this shirt!" He himself had picked up a roller and flicked it back at her. In twenty minutes they had done more painting of themselves than the room, obviously.

"Right! Right! We need to stop! I only have two more pairs of these jeans and I'm not sure paint comes out all that well." Ben collapsed on to the floor, covered head to toe in pink paint.  
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you're going to have to buy a new pair."  
"Damn. You can pay for them."  
"It was you're choice to help; you should have worn something more appropriate."  
"I didn't know you were going to attack me with a paintbrush did I?"  
"Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Do you want a drink?"  
"Yeah thanks, I'll make it though, wouldn't want your pregnant self getting exhausted now would we?" He stood up and then walked over to where she had sat down and pulled her up. "Wow you could do with losing a few Jac."  
"Right that's it." She took the tin of paint and whatever was left in it was not left in it anymore. Instead it was dripping from Ben's forehead and all over his clothes. She gasped and let out a laugh. "I didn't realise there was that much in it, I swear."  
"Yeah right!" He wiped some of the paint from his face and patted her face with it. For some reason though, his hand lingered there on her cheek for a little too long.


	11. Saved by the Bell

**Heyyy thanks all so much for the great reviews! It really is appreciated :) Hope you enjoy this chapter, including the reappearance of a certain Scot :) Please review :) xx**

The expression 'saved by the bell' wasn't one that Jac had ever used although now, as Ben quickly removed his hand, she decided that it might be appropriate.

"What the hell is this?" he hadn't paused even for a second between the moment she opened the door and the minute he saw her, covered in paint. He looked confused as he took her paint-filled image in, before thrusting the slip of paper into her hands. When she saw what it was, she was of course, more than confused too. Any thoughts of Ben flew from her mind immediately as she was confronted with Jonny.  
"Where did you get this from?" She wasn't sure how to react at being presented with him at her door and then facing her own ultrasound.  
"Sacha gave me this, with your address on the back. Don't act like you didn't know Jac, this has you written all over it." She turned it over, and there was her address.  
"I really didn't-"

"I told you I don't want any part of it." He looked her up and down again; even with the large shirt on, he could see how much she had grown in terms of the baby bump which had been non-existent the last time he had seen her. Now she must have been reaching six months but with her skinny frame she didn't look as big as most women would but she looked big in comparison to her usual self.  
"Jonny, I gave this to Sacha because he's the godparent, I really didn't have anything to do with it, I swear. You've made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with us." She was getting over the initial surprise and was in full F1 shouting mode. "Oh, and since you have made it so clear, let me ask you something: why are you even here? If you don't want to know me or _her_, then why are you here at my door? My scan was almost a month ago Jonny, so why are you here now, with my ultrasound? Any person in your position would have thrown it away when they were handed it, so why not you?" her voice was raised but she didn't care about the twitching curtains on the street or the fact that Ben could probably hear her from upstairs.  
"I came because... just leave me out of this okay? I'm going to tell Sacha that I came and I said the same thing as I did months back. I don't want anything to do with it." His rehearsed answer was faltering slightly.  
"_Her_ Jonny, not_ it_. She's _our_ daughter, a real human and if you refer to her as _it_ again I will make sure you will never have an _it_ that you actually want. You've made yourself perfectly clear." She went to slam the door but he put his foot in the way. "What are you doing Jonny?"  
"Give me the scan."  
"No, why would I do that?"  
"I'll give it back to Sacha." It wasn't particularly convincing, even he had to admit. She even felt a little bit sorry for him.  
"Are you sure about this?" Her tone was coming down from its high and it was slightly softer.  
"Yes, when's the next time you'll see him?"  
"You know what I mean."  
"Yeah I do. Just so you know Jac, I did _want_ this baby; I even wanted it with you. If you would have told me you were pregnant before you slept with Sean or before you slapped me and threw it all away, then yeah I would have been happy, but no. The reason, Jac, the reason I don't want to be a part of _her_ life, is because I don't want to be a part of yours. You're poison Jac. You ruin everything."  
"Keep the scan."  
"What? No, I'm giving it back to Sacha."  
"I always thought you were a ready made father and you just needed a kid. Here I am, offering you a child and all you can do is insult me. I couldn't care less about you not wanting to know me anymore, but this child deserves to know her father. You know what Jonny, when you've grown up a bit, come back and be a part of your daughter's life; I promise I'll open the door for you and let you back in." She closed the door this time without any problems. She slumped against it and slid down it before burying her head in her hands.

Everything was just a bit messy; she was angry at Sacha for giving Jonny the picture. If he hadn't then this wouldn't have happened and her hormones wouldn't have gotten the better of her. She just needed someone to blame and Sacha was the first person that wasn't herself; she quickly found herself feeling guilty and so wiped the tears from her face. This was the typical Jac Naylor response. She could not feel sorry for herself for any longer and made her way into the kitchen to make the drinks. Meanwhile Ben had been in the middle of washing his hair and face over the bath with the shower head, but he had suddenly stopped. He stood with both palms against the rim and his head hanging over it, water dripping from his hair. He had definitely lingered, there was no doubt about it. But then nothing really came of it; what was he expecting to? Anything? No, it was nothing, just an insignificant moment that could be forgotten. He wondered if she had even noticed; probably not. The shower head was making less noise now and he could hear shouting coming from downstairs. He wondered whether he should go and see if everything was alright but then his mind started working again and correctly he thought that whatever was happening wasn't his business and Jac wouldn't want him interfering. If things started to sound any worse though, he would of course go down. But at that moment he just wanted to stay away from Jac to get his head around what he had been thinking about doing...

"I brought you lemonade; it's too hot for tea!" She called up as she made her way up the stairs with two glasses in her hands, which hadn't actually stopped shaking yet. He walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his head. "I thought only women had the special powers to do that." Jac laughed as he pouted and took one of the glasses from her, then noticing that her hands were shaking, took the other one and placed it down on top of one of the boxes while she sat on the floor.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah I'm fine, why?"  
"Perhaps because you're shaking like mad and-" she looked as though she'd been crying was what he wanted to say but she interrupted him before he could.  
"I haven't eaten yet, I just forgot what with all the painting and shopping." She smiled awkwardly.  
"Who was at the door?"  
"Just some salesman, hence the shouting."  
"I see, I hope you gave him some F1 style insults to send him on his way."  
"Oh of course, what else? I told him that his job was pathetic."  
"Wow, you got the claws out." He was humouring her; she clearly didn't want to tell him who was at the door and he wasn't going to press her. Instead he handed her back her drink when she had got comfortable and took a sip from his own.

Jac knew Ben wasn't stupid and she realised that he must have known that she was lying. There was an uncomfortable silence in the time that Jac decided whether she wanted to tell Ben who had really banged on her door and made her cry. It was conflicting because while she didn't want to lie, as was part her new plan of starting afresh, Jonny was part of the past and by telling Ben, it would mean the two worlds would come crashing together.  
"Does it hurt?"  
"Sorry?" He had caught her off guard.  
"Thinking so hard. It must hurt."  
"Nope that's just you."  
"Do you want to share? Come on, I'll do mate's rates for a half hour session with Agony Aunt Ben." She smiled a small smile but one which brightened up her face and even with paint and mascara and red eyes made her look pretty.  
"It wasn't a salesman at the door." She looked up over the rim of her glass as she took another sip.  
"Oh really? I did think the shouting was a little OTT."  
"I thought it might have been the mascara tracks that gave it away. I do shout at people who knock on my door begging me to buy their windows."  
"Jeeze they're only trying to earn a living!" He was sarcastically shocked as Jac Naylor was easy to understand and he knew already that Jac took no prisoners when it came to something she was not interested in.

"Well they can earn a living somewhere else!"  
"Would it be better for them to claim benefits?"  
"Well it would mean they didn't knock on my door..."  
"You have some strange opinions Naylor. You're also very good at diverting the conversation; are you going to tell me who made you cry so I can go hunt them down and beat them up real bad?" His best gangster impression made Jac choke on her drink as he even did the 'west side' hand gesture.  
"You're the last person I would expect to beat anyone up. You're too... nice. And you have the tiniest little chicken legs."  
"Well I fight with my fists and, as if you hadn't noticed, my arms muscles?"  
"Oh wow, yeah. Go get him then." She pretended to look impressed for his benefit although she had already noticed that he must go to the gym _a lot. _

"Well you've got to tell me who he is first."  
"It was Jonny."

_"Jonny...?"_

"The father of my unborn child."  
"Sounds like a lovely chap."  
"He is! He was always lovely. It's my own fault that he hates me."  
"I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Hate is a strong word."  
"You are so cheesy! But yes, he does and I don't blame him."  
"That doesn't mean he has the right to come up to your house, after you moved so far away, just to shout at you."  
"Yeah well it's complicated isn't it?"  
"Ah the baba. He still doesn't want to know?"  
"Well that's the thing, I think he's coming round."  
"He sounds like a complicated guy."  
"We're just a complicated couple."  
"I see. Well, he's gone now! So how about we get back to painting and then you can make me dinner?" Ben was great at lightening the mood of a room. His method wasn't too different to Jac's. While he made sure they talked about it first, he then brushed it under the carpet as though it never happened. The trick was in the talking about it first.

"I have been practising you know; you are going to be blown away by my pasta."


	12. Family Secrets

**Heyy guys! Here is chapter 12 for you all, hope you enjoy it, please review and it you haven't already please take a look at some of my recent one shots :) Thanks :D xx**

Ben left late that night, leaving Jac alone cleaning up their dinner dishes; he had finally tried her marvellous pasta and chicken dish which he put on a brave face for, even after she proclaimed it was disgusting. After getting him to agree with her she called a take away company and ordered something edible and they sat and enjoyed that whilst laughing about how it could only be Jac who screwed up a pasta dish. Throughout the rest of the night, Jonny hadn't been far from her mind though. Jonny who had travelled all the way up to Manchester to tell her he didn't want anything to do with them was clearly unsure of things now that he had seen the scan of his child, which was why it had taken him so long to come up and see her in the first place. Then he'd just gone and made it worse for himself as she told him a few home truths. Then finally he made it worse for Jac, who was already quite surprised when he had shown up at her door. After several months of not hearing from him or seeing him and having to get over him and the fact she was having his baby, it was all quite a shock that he had just suddenly shown up. She knew that Jonny was similar to her in the way he was defensive when something went wrong; he'd insulted her and she'd allowed it. It was something that she was used to and many people had good reason, like Jonny. She did ruin things and she could see how that made her poisonous, but that didn't mean that now, when everybody was gone and all she was left with at one o'clock in the morning was a baby bump and some dirty dishes that it didn't hurt, because everything still hurt. In fact, things hurt more nowadays than they used to.

It was no surprise that Jac got very little sleep that night so the morning she was extremely tired and wasn't keen on being alone with Ben again. Unfortunately for her, he had planned their shared day off already. At eight o'clock he was already at her house having seemingly forgotten the events of the night before.  
"Good morning Naylor."  
"Erm hi Ben..."  
"I'm not going to lie I thought you'd be ready by now."  
"We had a late night; I'm hardly going to be jumping around already in my night on the town gear."  
"Obviously, it's eight in the morning so that would be ridiculous." She couldn't help but smirk as she held the door open wider for him. "Yes I was wondering when you'd let me in."  
"So why are you here this early?"  
"Well today we're going out with my brother and his two kids; thought you might like some experience of these types of places."  
"Experience? What for?"  
"I don't know of you've noticed but you're kinda six months pregnant and very soon you'll have a mini Naylor and you have to go on day trips to aquariums and zoos and circuses."  
"I'm not going to a circus."  
"Scared of clowns?"  
"No, it's the acrobats." She shuddered but Ben looked at her, confused. "What? I just can't imagine being supported by very thin rope and flying from one to another. I do my best save people, and then these people just go and risk their lives doing something stupid like that. It's annoying."  
"It's a good thing you're not coming with me tonight then."  
"What's going on tonight?" they had reached the top of the stairs and Jac walked into her bedroom quickly closing the door behind her, leaving Ben to sit on the top stair and talk a bit louder.  
"I have a date and I'm taking her to this Chinese circus. Call me sad,"  
"You're sad." She interjected quickly.  
"-but I got the idea from Sherlock."  
"Wow, sounds er... out there. I'll give you that."  
"You didn't say anything about how nerdy I am for watching Sherlock."  
"Oh no I think you must get enough stick from your daughter for that."  
"FYI it was my daughter who introduced me to it."  
"FYI 37 year old men don't say FYI. Secondly, let's not talk about how much of a geek you are because that topic of conversation could lead to you boring me with Doctor Who facts as it has done in the past. Let's talk about the fact that you have a date!" She of course was employing typical girl tactics trying to get the gossip.  
"Yes I have a date; it's not so shocking is it?" Ben listened to her tone carefully; after being married for ten years he had hoped he had learnt a little about a woman's mind. The way they speak for example, gives a lot of clues.  
"Actually it is quite shocking. I hope you're not planning on wearing that pink shirt?"  
"Why, what do you think I should wear?"  
"Well I don't really know your wardrobe dear, but I'm fairly sure you have a light blue shirt that's nice."  
"The one with the white collar?"  
"Yeah that one, and then you could wear your classic Ben jeans, obviously."  
"Black or blue? I also bought some grey ones the other day."  
"Why is it that you shop more than I do?"  
"Because it takes effort to look this fabulous." She was sure he was doing a hair flick outside the door to her bedroom as he waited patiently on the stairs while she got ready.  
"Are you saying I don't look fabulous?"  
"Oh definitely not because that would earn a kick in my manhood."  
"Yes it would." She finally came out from the bedroom dressed in a blue checked shirt, grey skinny jeans and converse.  
"That's very casual."  
"Well I'm not traipsing around in rhino shit in my best clothes am I?"  
"I wasn't planning on walking in rhino shit at all to be honest." Jac rolled her eyes before following Ben down the stairs.  
"So your brother's come from Wales today then?"  
"Yeah, he's up to go suit shopping with me. He's getting married next month and I'm the best man, much to the chagrin of my folks and Sam, my older brother."  
"But we're not going suit shopping today."  
"Well no today we're doing all the Uncle Ben stuff and then we're going wedding shopping tomorrow."  
"How old are his kids?"  
"They are five and seven."  
"Are they going to be all jumpy and excited?"  
"Yes, of course. But they're great kids; you'll love them."  
"Yeah, I'm sure I will." She said this very unconvincingly as she opened her own car door, noticing that Ben had got in on his side already.

"Hey look who it is guys." A tall and broad man stood outside their first stop of the day which was the aquarium.  
"Uncle Ben!" Both children shouted in unison. The girl was holding her brother's hand as they ran towards him.  
"Hey there! So what are we doing today?"  
"We're going to see sharks." The boy's face was very animated as he said this.  
"No way!" Ben scooped up the little boy in his arms making him screech a little bit. Jac could only imagine what it must have been like for the small boy who was probably high up in the sky looking down on them as though they were ants. She meanwhile was left with the seven year old girl who stopped abruptly in front of her with a smile.  
"Is this your _girlfriend_ uncle Ben?" He laughed nervously before putting the little boy down.  
"No Emily, she's not my girlfriend. This is my friend Jac."  
"Jack's my name! But you're a girl!" The young boy had suddenly pitched in.  
"Ah my name is short for Jacqueline, but that's too long and boring for me. Nice to meet you boy Jack and Emily." She smiled as sweetly as she could, surprising Ben a little. Ben's brother had made his way over in this time and he and Ben shared a man hug which Jac had never really understood.  
"Hi I'm Mark, Ben's younger, more attractive brother." He held out his hand.  
"Hi I'm girl Jac, Ben's friend." Ben raised his eyebrows at nobody in particular, but Jac didn't seem to notice.  
"So, let's go see these sharks shall we?" Ben held out his hands for boy Jack while girl Jac stood closely by his side, not entirely comfortable with the current situation.

"So girl Jac, how have you come to know Ben?" She found herself stuck with Mark as Ben ran off with the children to go and stare at the sea life.  
"Er well I moved up here just over a month ago but before that Ben was the one who offered me the job up here."  
"So you've moved up here with your husband for a new beginning with your new baby?"  
"You're only half right, I don't have a husband." She lifted up her left hand and exhibited the absence of a ring.  
"Ah so you've been victim to my brother's flirting then?"  
"Unfortunately so."  
"It's actually painful for me to watch." Jac laughed while Ben remained unaware as he held boy Jack up against the glass with one arm and kept the other around Emily who was just tall enough to peer through the glass.  
"He must have done something right to be married for ten years. He's not even forty!" Jac raised her eyebrows.  
"That was his big mistake; he should have never married Catherine."  
"Why was it a mistake?"  
" The only reason he married her and the only reason they stayed together was because of Charlotte."  
"Ah he knocked her up and so the pressure was there to marry her."  
"Well he loved her at first obviously but they were very young."  
"So why did they stay together?"  
"Everyone's always saying you know, stay together for the sake of the kids, but parents that argue constantly is surely screwing them up more than the parents not being together. I think he realised that in the end."  
"It wasn't the fact that she cheated on him then?"  
"Well obviously that was the final straw but you could see that they weren't going to make it. It's amazing they were together for so long but I think he knew she was sleeping with other guys from the very start. But Ben's a good guy; he thought Charlotte needed him to be with her so he stayed until Catherine chose the wrong guy to cheat on him with."  
"Who did she choose?"  
"She slept with Sam, our older brother. I bet Ben's spun you this story about how our folks disowned him after he moved here and Sam too, but actually our parents came to the wedding and although they didn't approve of his choice to move here, they were always there. Then four years ago, Catherine slept with Sam and Ben hit him. Really, really went for him. He was in hospital but of course Sam didn't press charges so Ben doesn't have a criminal record or anything. That was when our parents disowned him; Sam had always been the golden boy." Jac nodded along to the story, listening in intently. He had been lying during their game of unlimited questions and she could see why he had. Mark didn't hold back when telling her all the gossip; he was completely different to his brother in that respect.  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
"Because you were interested."  
"Don't tell him I know."  
"I won't but if I know my brother then he'll tell you himself in time."  
"Why will he tell me himself?"  
"Because girl Jac, he has not stopped emailing me about you since you moved in which means he must have moved up a notch from his painful flirting to really painful flirting. But once again, Ben's a good guy and you're pregnant, so he won't do anything about it. Yet." She didn't quite know what to say, but all of a sudden her mind went back to yesterday when his hand had outstayed its welcome on her cheek. She followed a different approach and kept what he had just said in her mind for later.  
"So how come you stuck around?"  
"Like I said, Sam was always the golden boy. Then, as much as he pissed them off, they were always pretty proud of Ben. I wasn't planned." He said the last bit in a whisper. "I didn't have Ben's brains to be able to get out of there so I'm a farmer too. Just with my fiancées farm instead of the Clark's so I'm pretty much disowned."  
"It doesn't sound like you had much fun growing up."  
"Oh no when we were younger it was easier to annoy Sam so it was a little fun; Ben had the brains to come up with the plan and I had the brawn to beat him up when he needed it. Then as we got older it was less acceptable and then Ben left. The only thing I can laugh at now is that Sam's wife gave him girls so there's nobody to run the farm after him."  
"Farming's such a 'ye olde' kind of world isn't it?"  
"It really is. My fiancées parents only had girls too, but I'm like the son they never had and I have one boy and another on the way. I only hope one of them wants to carry it on, but unlike my parents I won't bully them into it and I certainly won't be upset if they want to go on to be doctors or even a bloody fashion designer." For the first time Jac could see a little of Ben in Mark. They weren't at all similar in looks, what with Ben being slimmer and nerdier looking and Mark with his close shaved haircut and huge muscles everywhere. Ben had similar broad shoulders but Jac supposed they came with the family genes, and they certainly weren't put to too much use in his profession.

"Oi Mark, when you've quite finished boring Jac with farming techniques, I thought we could move on to our next stop!"  
"Farming techniques are more interesting than your flirting techniques, which are the actual topic of our conversation."  
"Oh little brother, I think Jac will stick up for me here and tell you that my flirting works."  
"I don't know how he did it Mark but he's actually got a date tonight with those cheesy moves." Ben smirked and then turned back around to collect Emily and Jack who were still stood pressed against the glass.  
"Ah, a date. Don't worry about it." Mark said quietly so only Jac would hear him.  
"Why would I worry?" Jac looked innocently confused but Mark didn't answer her back, he just smiled.  
"Okay guys our next stop is the zoo!"


	13. And Behind Door Number 3

**Hello! Thanks for all the reviews guys :)So it's taken a while... been a busy week! Thought I'd update before I go away tomorrow so you will be updateless for another week I'm afraid. But a five hour train journey will give me plenty of time to do some writing! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for reading and please review! xx**

Apart from some embarrassing stories about Ben from when he was younger, there was nothing more personal talked about between Mark and Jac. There was only one more thing he said for Jac to think about.  
"I'd buy a nice dress if I were you."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're going to get invited to my wedding as Ben's 'date' that isn't really a date but he'll definitely be single and he'll want to invite a friend etc..."  
"How do you know he'll be single?"  
"Because it's Ben and the longest relationship he's had since Catherine was three weeks."  
"How do you know he'll invite me and not someone else?"  
"I don't but I'll bet you ten pounds."  
"Are we really doing this?"  
"Yep, is that a deal?" She shook her head as well as his hand.  
"Deal."

As their last port of call, they went to the fair that was part of the zoo. Neither Ben nor Jac went on any of the rides except the pirate ship which Ben made her sit at the back of. Whilst his brother and the children went on almost every single ride bar the rollercoasters, Ben got the chance to pester Jac about what his brother had been saying to her all day. She however was not giving up any of the information, leaving Ben to sulk and try to ask his brother who of course was keeping his mouth shut too.

Ben had called it experience and Jac quickly realised that she needed it. While she had one godchild, she hardly ever saw him as her friends migrated to New Zealand and before that, she only had experience of him as a baby and not what came next. Whilst she had been a little worried at first around the children, she was soon talking to them in that high pitched cute voice that one only uses around children, and she allowed them to drag her around all day by grabbing her hands with their own small, sticky hands. As much as she thought she'd panic when a small boy came hobbling towards her screaming and with snot running down his face with a grazed knee, she did not. Instead she purchased a packet of animal plasters from the zoo gift shop and applied one quickly whilst reassuring boy Jack that in fact his leg wasn't going to fall off. When the time came for them to travel back, the two children were upset that girl Jac wasn't travelling in their car. However they were soon cheered up as they pulled faces at her and Ben through the back window of their jeep as Ben's Golf closely followed.

Ben had learnt quickly not to ask Jac anymore about what his brother had been saying to her and instead their talk focussed mainly on Ben's date which was in less than two hours.  
"So how do you know this woman?"  
"Who?" Ben said confused before sticking his tongue out at Emily.  
"Your date, or have you forgotten that you are meant to be taking her to some nerdy Doctor Who thing tonight?"  
"Okay firstly Jacqueline it's Sherlock and secondly I only got the idea from there. It's a Chinese circus."  
"Oh I'm sorry," she said sarcastically, "Anyway, who is the lady?"  
"She's called Victoria she's 35 and she's a lawyer."  
"Don't tell me, online dating?" She said this with a cheeky glint in her eye and for a moment Ben took his eyes off the road to glare at her. "Eyes on the road Benjamin." The glint had gone and was replaced by a very serious stare.  
"I did not meet her on a dating website; I am proud to say I have never used one of those in my life and I never will."  
"Okay then, where did you meet her?" In an attempt to answer her question, he mumbled somewhat inaudibly on purpose. "Sorry Benjamin, you're going to have to speak a bit louder."  
"We met on a blind date." He sighed as he said it, knowing he was opening himself up for ridicule. Jac tried her hardest to keep a straight face but couldn't help but smirk.  
"A blind date? You mean Cilla Black style with the sliding doors and questions? It sounds very you. At least with a website you get a profile of them and you think you know what they look like until they turn out to be some 60 year old perv."  
"Yeah well I got a description from my friends, not Cilla Black obviously. I know what she looks like now anyway, this is the second date. And are you speaking from experience Naylor?" He laughed as he thought he had it all sussed.  
"Er no, do I look like the type of person who needs to use a dating website?" She raised her eyebrows.  
"No, but you _do_ look like the type of person who needs their head shrinking though." He chanced a glance at her but she was smirking just as much as he was.  
"So the first date went well, and now you're taking her to the circus."  
"Just to continue the theme of today."  
"I see, well I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun. Aren't Chinese circuses the ones with all the knives and shooting arrows? She'll have plenty of opportunity to grab hold of your hand as she acts all '_fwightened_'." She laughed a little and mimicked his date. They were just approaching her house so Ben slowed on to the curb.  
"That was my cunning plan. How do you know about them?"  
"That was the one episode of Sherlock I was bored enough to watch."  
"So you've been fooling me all this time and you're actually a huge geek."  
"Hear how I said _one_ episode. I was not nerdy enough to watch every single one and then buy the box sets." She opened her car door and climbed out of it relatively elegantly for a woman who was getting bigger in her pregnancy. The jeep in front of them had slowed down too, and so she waved to the children sat in the back who waved back with less energy than before as their big day had tired them out.  
"See you tomorrow Naylor, bright and early." Ben had opened his window a little.  
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." She winked.  
"Naylor, I don't think you're in any position to tell me to be careful, if you hadn't noticed, you've got a little bump going on there."  
"Are you calling me fat?" Ben couldn't tell if she was serious or not as her expression was hard to read at the best of times.  
"I would never do that."  
"Glad you know not to." He saw her smirking now, and knew the territory was safe although it was hard to know with a woman, especially a pregnant one and a conversation concerning weight never usually ended well for anyone. "Have fun Benjamin." She waved at him and he drove away leaving her just staring after the two cars suddenly saddened that the day was over for her and not yet for Ben. Then another car took the place of Ben's; it was not dissimilar in make just in colour and she recognised it almost immediately.

"Really? Again?" She mumbled to herself as the familiar figure readied himself to leave the car, not yet noticing Jac who was stood in her doorway and was watching his every move. He finally mustered up the courage to get out of the car, by which time Jac could have gone inside and made herself some dinner.  
"Jonny! Twice in a week, to what do I owe the pleasure?" She shocked him a little, as he hadn't known she was there and only looked up when he heard his name.  
"I...can I... Wait, why are you outside?"  
"I knew you were coming."  
"How?"  
"I'm being sarcastic. What do you want?"  
"I think first of all I need to apologise for what I said to you yesterday. But the main reason is that I want to talk to you about your... no, _our_ baby."  
"It didn't take you long to grow up." She turned around and placed the key in the lock, thereby granting them entrance to her home.

"Do you want a coffee?" Jac was seemingly unfazed by Jonny's appearance, however this was purely for his benefit and had she not been the master of facades and hiding behind a mask, then her true feelings of hurt and yet surprise would have been seen. Jonny on the other hand was easier to read; he was basically an open book ready for anyone to pick off the shelf and discover. He nodded feebly in response. There was an awkward silence while Jac finished making him a coffee while she went for an Innocent Smoothie from the fridge. Her strange behaviour could be explained by the pregnancy, whereas Jonny's nervousness had yet to be given a reason. "Here you go. Are you okay?" There was no real concern in her voice; it was merely to get some form of response from him other than a nod of the head. He heard the lack of any emotion in her voice.  
"I'm sorry, for what I said yesterday, about you ruining everything. It was just as much my fault as it was yours that we didn't work."  
"We're not here to talk about us Jonny. Or I didn't think we were." She took a sip encouraging Jonny to do the same.  
"I went to a pub last night and got incredibly drunk."  
"That's always fun." She was trying to make the situation light; this was the only way she could be the strongest in the room.  
"Except you're doing it again. You're hiding something; I just turn up again and you're acting like you knew I would come back. How could you possibly know when I didn't?" He wasn't making much sense and non of his sentences seemed to link.  
"I didn't know you'd come back so soon but I did know you'd come back whether it be in a day or ten years. I knew you wouldn't have given up this chance. You, Jonny, wouldn't give up on one child even if you had the opportunity to have another twenty more in the future."  
"But you didn't know I would come back today; you didn't know I would show up yesterday at all and yet you were so controlled and so very _you_ about it."  
"What did you expect? I've spent the last three months trying to get over you and all the things that you said and the only way that was possible was to ignore it. It was a shock to see you yesterday and I have to admit that if I wasn't so preoccupied with other things then I would have shown some more emotion. But if I'm honest, I've been preparing myself to see you again anyway, because I wanted you to have one last chance to redeem yourself and be a part of her life."  
"So you did give the ultrasound to Sacha to give to me?"  
"No, like I said yesterday, that was all that dumb oaf's doing, but I was going to come and see you when she made an appearance."  
"Why though?"  
"Because I announced to you that I was pregnant not long after we had broken up and for us both it was still fresh and painful to even talk to one another and so it was our sole aim to hurt the other and I think that was clouding your judgment that day."  
"How can you understand people so well? You're so hard to read and yet you can see through most people. It's kind of frustrating."  
"That's why I do it; it protects me from being vulnerable."  
"You know, I think this is the most honest you've ever been with me."  
"I don't have any reason not to be now." She really didn't. He hadn't been the one to hope that he would take her back as she uttered the words and so far from not caring about him; the reason she could afford to talk to him like this was the fact that she had already made herself vulnerable. She had become vulnerable as soon as she found herself falling in...  
"But what if you did?"  
"Let's not talk about this. You were telling me that you got drunk yesterday; did this give you some epiphany about our baby?"  
"It wasn't an epiphany." He gave up on what he was trying to build up the courage for and instead talked about something she would want to hear. "It took me from the moment you left, to the second I got the ultrasound and then another month to actually decide what I wanted to do and whether I'd made the right decision or not. It turns out I thought I did make the right decision. That's what I came to tell you yesterday. I thought for closure for my own benefit I needed to tell you myself. But then you got into my head and made me question everything that I'd thought, leading me naturally, to a pub." She had become softer in her pregnancy and this allowed her to be a little more patient; however, at this point in his journey of life discovery, she found her mind wandering as to what the outcome of his tale could be.  
"I thought about at one point, and even now to some extent, for me anyway, we were in love and at one point I imagined you moving in with me. Then I would have asked you to marry me and we would have gone up to Scotland for the wedding even though you would have moaned especially at the fact that all the men were wearing kilts. Next would come the time when we had children and it was at this point, when I was sat alone in the pub that I realised that although we've done it in the wrong order, it could still be done. Whether we are together or not, we could have this child and it would be ours and you know what? I can love her, I will love her just as much as I would have done if we were together."  
"So what do you want to do?"  
"Well first and foremost I want to tell you that whatever happens, I'm going to be here for our baby and I want her to know me and I don't want her to ever find out that there was even a smidgen of indecision." Jac nodded and found herself smiling inwardly. She had seen it coming as soon as he turned away from her yesterday. What she didn't see coming was what he had prepared for her next. "You do realise that I'm also telling you something else? I'm telling you that we could still do it. I'm telling you that everything I said back in Holby wrong. I thought that you moving away would fix it but actually, it made everything worse. While you were in Holby, I didn't know it then but just you being there meant that maybe, just maybe there was always a chance. Just like when Tara died. It could have grown in to something more. There was always a maybe. Then I ruined it; so actually this is why I'm apologising Jac. This time I ruined us, so you don't always ruin everything." She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She thought back to the whole time she sat in her flat in Holby missing him, thinking exactly the same thing. But then she came here and whilst somewhere in her mind the feelings were still there: needing him so much slowly drained to sometimes wishing he was there, and until now, she thought that she was getting better in the sickness that was their relationship of needing each other.  
"So what should we do?" Her voice was quiet. A whole series of events had unfolded that week to test her and for once, Jac Naylor did not have the answers.


	14. Married, Engaged, Together?

Hey guys, so I'm back... sort of. Updates are going to be slow because of uni and stuff, but at least now I have my laptop! HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD. So bear with and I will try and do the best I can in terms of updating. Enjoying this chapter! Thank you for being patient and sticking with it :) xx

"_Honey I'm home!" Jac rushed as best as she could into the hallway where she found Andrew with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.  
"Why thank you." She kissed him on the cheek before rushing back into the kitchen.  
"Oh God you're not cooking are you?"  
"Oi!" She peaked around the kitchen door and frowned at him. "I thought you would appreciate me cooking after your hard day at work."  
"I'd appreciate a take away a whole lot better dear." She threw the tea towel at him but he ducked just in time. She still had the flowers in her hand and walked into the living room with a vase to put on the window sill.  
"You can have your present after dinner." She winked and walked back into the kitchen presumably to plate up their dinners. Unfortunately, her hard work went to waste. She came back into the room with two plates in her hands; she looked up from them only to see Andrew kneeling down. An open box was in his hands. In that box was a ring. On the floor, was now their dinner. She dropped the plates in utter shock.  
"I didn't mean... What are you doing?" She stuttered somewhat mindlessly as everything was quite obvious.  
"It's fine, let's not ruin the moment." He smiled that smile. It sounds cheesy but this was far better than Jac could have ever imagined. "Jacqueline Naylor, almost mother of our little boy, would you do me the honour, of becoming my wife?" They were 23, and although they hadn't quite saved the world yet, they were in the process of creating their own very special world for themselves.  
"Yes!"_

Jonny stayed in her spare room, which had luckily still been made up from when Sacha had come to stay. They had both decided not to talk about it any further that night and instead put aside whatever differences or serious discussions they had for now. They talked about how everyone on Darwin wished Jac was back because they had hired someone even worse to replace her; Jac found this hard to believe but listened in as Jonny told her everything about the dreadful woman. Then it was Jac's turn to tell Jonny about her new job and how everyone, even the nurses, called her Jac. Throughout the evening Little Girl Naylor seemed to notice the presence of both of her parents and kicked madly, providing entertainment and something to unite over. The autumn months were really setting in now and they noticed how the skies no longer stayed bright until ten and instead dark reds quickly replaced the light grey and then it dripped behind the trees to leave a nothingness of black. After midnight caught up with them, they decided it would be best to go to bed as Jac was working early in the morning and Jonny was... well... waiting for Jac. However as it was his last day in the city, he decided to wander around and take every site in while he waited.

Ben came to pick Jac up bright and early, and having left Jonny a note telling him to meet her for lunch, she left the house silently. She made herself at 'home' by switching the radio back to Absolute, after Ben had obviously changed it to Radio 1 to impress his date. She then adjusted the seat to how she usually had it; his date had pulled it too far forward and made it incredibly straight-backed.  
"How the hell was that comfortable for her?" Jac said, grumpily as she struggled with the various handles.  
"God only knows, she was sitting like this," He shuffled himself right up to the dash board and sat up so straight that he looked like he had a pole shoved up his backside.  
"Ah well, this will have to do until later or we won't ever get into work." Ben sighed and turned off the street.  
"So aren't you going to ask me how it went then?" he said this almost impatiently.  
" Well if she's already rearranging your car I have to presume you got somewhere." She winked sarcastically.  
"Actually no; it was awful. The single worst date I have ever been on. It didn't help that she called me Joe for half of the night and then proceeded to get incredibly drunk by ordering several bottles of wine which were paid for by, guess who? Yours truly. My God and the woman did _not stop talking _all night. I thought I was going to have to gag her on the way home." Jac sat laughing at his story, knowing he would give her time in a few moments to mock him and then it would all be forgotten. Somewhere in Jac's mind there was a sudden lightness as she realised the date had gone badly; it was something she had not realised was there but it was noticed when it was gone. "So I found out all about her desires to become a ballerina despite her currently being a lawyer. Let me tell you Jac, this woman is not on the light side of things okay. The only upside I could see from her talking so much was that she must be bloody good at winning cases and do you know how she does it? She talks them all to death." He was doing a good job of imitating her right now, Jac thought. Although that was probably the reason why they had clashed, because he wasn't allowed to get a word in like he usually did.  
"So when's date number three then?" She smirked; he shook his head actually quite violently.  
"No way am I seeing that woman again. And to imagine, I was looking for someone to take to my brother's wedding. Jeeze, I'm going to have to keep looking. I just want somebody quiet and who is slightly attractive; is that too much to ask?" Jac wondered if Mark's prophecy was about to come true, in which case she did owe him a tenner. "At this rate I'm going to have to go alone Jac, which will be very humiliating considering my folks will be there, and Sam and- wait... I've just had the best idea. You should come with me!" She almost laughed out loud.  
"You want me to be your date?"  
"No not my date! Just come with me as a friend. I guess you could pretend to be my date just for the effect on my parents."  
"So you want me to lie to your parents and say I'm your girlfriend. I think the fact that I'm pregnant will give us away." She laughed but Ben kept his serious expression.  
"We could always say it was mine and that we've been together for a while. I told you I don't speak to my parents. They wouldn't put it past me not to tell them."  
"Ben are you actually being serious? I can't tell whether this is overly enthusiastic sarcasm or if your date last night turned you into some sort of mad man."

"What's so hard to believe about this plan? I personally think it's a brilliant idea that benefits us both."  
"What do I get from it? All you're doing is trying to impress people you don't like anyway. What's the point?"  
"The point is that I can't go to another one of these things and be the sibling that people laugh at." She was now seeing the defensive side of him again; it seemed to surface whenever he talked about his family reminding her of herself. "Why does it get to you so much Ben?" He shrugged slightly; a tactical body language move that was suggesting he didn't especially want to talk about.  
"Come on Jac. I know Mark told you the story."  
"How do you know?"  
"He told me last night. Sorry I didn't tell you the truth when we first met, except putting my brother in hospital isn't something I share with a person who's only just getting to know me." He sounded bitterly sarcastic, something she'd not experienced before.  
"It was for a good reason."  
"Was it? He slept with my wife who didn't love me and I knew it. I don't know why it mattered. I don't know why it still matters now. But that's the way it is. My plan is stupid; just come as my friend."  
"God you know how to guilt trip. Fine, father of my unborn child; are we married, engaged or just together?" Ben smirked and for the remaining short length of their journey, they planned their story.

Ben managed to sneak out for an early lunch to go suit shopping with Mark and tell him the plan. This gave Jac the opportunity to call Jonny and tell him where to meet her for when she was finally allowed lunch, which was of course the second Ben came back.  
"Oi! Where are you rushing off too?"  
"Lunch!" She called back, not even turning round. Ben just laughed, thinking the reason for her rushing was because he was late back and her pregnancy meant she became some ravenous monster at lunch time. Unbeknownst to him, she was actually rushing because she was late for lunch with Jonny, not that she wasn't starving too.  
"Hey, I thought you weren't coming." He stood up out of his chair for no reason at all, as he didn't hug her when she arrived and so he sat back down awkwardly while she took the seat opposite him. She had chosen a small cafe that she frequented on the days when Ben wasn't working, as he didn't approve of it. Then again, the only place he did approve of for lunch was anywhere that sold something greasy.  
"Yeah some idiot had a longer lunch meaning I had to stay. We don't trust our F1s you see."  
"Who trusts F1s?" Their small talk was becoming slowly awkward as they avoided talking about what they really wanted to talk about until Jonny brought it up whilst they both wolfed down a quiche. "So, have you thought any more about what I said last night?"  
"Of course I have but to be honest Jonny, I'm not entirely sure what you're proposing. The fact is, that I live here and you live back in Holby."  
"So move back. The only reason you moved here was because of me. But now I've realised that I was an idiot and we will sort things out Jac. I think the baby will make us both grow up and bit and start to take our relationship seriously."  
"Whoa, hold on. First of all don't flatter yourself; I moved here because I wanted to be away from it_all_, not just you. Secondly, what makes you think I'm going to move back on the small chance that we could actually make whatever it is we're doing work? As far as I'm concerned we aren't in any sort of relationship right now."  
"Well it's hard to start off small Jac, what with our baby due in less than three months' time."  
"Well we're going to have to. I'm not giving up my life here on a whim that we might actually be serious this time."  
"So what are you suggesting?"  
"Well, I'm suggesting that if you don't want to move here..."  
"I never said I didn't. I could, I would do it."  
"No, you won't Jonny. You can't do that unless you're sure, because rushing into things never got anyone anywhere okay. We've got three months so you can come up here twice a week and I'll try and get to Holby as often as I can. The main thing is that we're both starting to take this seriously, so that's a good sign."

She was surprised at the suddenness of all of this. One minute she was alone in Manchester and the next, she found herself half committing to some sort of relationship with the man she had moved to escape from. She had bought a house and had really settled into her new job and she was actually enjoying not being a part of a relationship for once. But she did love Jonny; that was the truth of it and what he was offering, a chance for them to be together and now with a family was surely too much to turn down. There was a lot for her to consider and what she wanted, what she needed, was Sacha. She called him on her way back to the hospital, after saying goodbye to Jonny who was now on his way back to Holby. There was no answer on his mobile so she left him a message, first starting with some strange accent to make it sound jokey. But that wasn't Jac at all and he would instantly know there was something going on. She was right; during the second half of her shift, he called her back and he arranged to come up and see her next week. In the meantime, she was going to have to ignore everything.


	15. Entertainment Support Good Old Sarcasm

**Here's another chapter because guess what? I actually did some work today so I can update guilt free :') Hope you enjoy this chapter, please review! xx**

It was all working brilliantly. For one, she was too preoccupied with work to even care about the numerous phone calls she got from an eager Jonny, only half of which she actually answered; besides that she only talked about Mark's wedding once, and that was to Mark, and even then it was only to give him his bet money. It was the same day that Ben had asked her to be his 'plus one (plus another one)'and he had also invited her round for a meal at his house to say goodbye to Mark and his kids for a month until the wedding. Although she had only met him the once, Jac could already tell a great deal about his character and actually, she didn't mind him one bit. Throughout the meal, she asked plenty of questions about Mark's soon-to-be wife and seemed genuinely interested; it seemed that Jac outside of work was a far more sociable creature.

For the week after Mark left she was happy with the way things were going in her own mind. She had managed to keep most things away and was actually looking forward to Sacha's visit as it once again coincided with her scan and this time it was completely accidental. She was even in a good mood at work, which wouldn't have been spectacularly unusual had she not even been nice to the F1s who tried her patience. It was the prospect of her best friend coming to see her and with this friend there wasn't even a remote chance that she felt anything for other than a friendship kind of love. However that was what she loved _most _about Sacha. Without even trying he had forced his way into finding things out about her and had somehow knocked down all of her barriers with seemingly no reward at the end. Well, she couldn't see the reward herself because she was a self critic but for Sacha, his best friend was a brilliant source of everything a best friend should provide: entertainment, support and sarcasm and in his kind mind, those were rewards in themselves.

It was only when Sacha arrived did she let herself fully think about everything as she told him every single detail, including the strange feeling after Ben had told her that his date had gone badly.  
"So, what do you think?" She had just finished her entire life story over the past month and admittedly, Sacha had struggled to keep up, but he got the main points, he thought.  
"Well what are you going to do?"  
"Sacha! The reason you're here is to tell me what to do. You know what I would want to do in this situation and as much as I want to down a bottle of proper red wine by myself, I don't think it's particularly wise. So that's my idea out of the window."  
"Well the obvious question is, are you still in love with Jonny?"  
"Yes! I think so anyway. I don't think I stopped being in love with him, I just stopped remembering that I was."  
"Then maybe it's just a crush you have on Ben? You know what pregnancy can do to a woman's brain."  
"Yeah that's right I'd stop there Sacha." They had now started on their second bottle of non-alcoholic wine which Jac decided was basically Vimto. "Sacha, I'm not fifteen years old anymore. I don't have crushes; in fact I never had crushes when I _was _fifteen. I don't know if it's even a crush. It was just that I liked the fact that his date went badly. Maybe it's because he is my best friend up here and if he got a girlfriend it would mean we wouldn't spend as much time together."  
"Well yeah that could be the reason. But Ben isn't the most important person here."  
"That is true. But me and Jonny, again. Really? It's the Ross and Rachel Friends storyline without people laughing at us in the background."  
"Jac, Friends references are lost on me and I didn't know you watched it either."  
"My foster sister had the box set." She rolled her eyes. "But what if I go rushing into this thing with Jonny and we continue to be like we were. That's the reason I came here in the first place. I certainly don't want my baby growing up with that kind of discontinuity."  
"Your problem Jac is that you think too much."  
"Well if you're the alternative..." She smirked; it was an insult between friends and so not an insult at all. She sighed heavily and let herself fall on to his chubby frame. Her head lay against his chest and he put his arm around her. She thought about the numerous times they'd sat like this in the past; they were usually drunk and she'd just finished telling him about some memory or nightmare. When they were sober and at work, that was a totally different matter and the only hugs he got were those he 'forced' upon her, although she secretly loved them, "well who wouldn't?" she thought. She missed him a lot.  
"You're not asleep are you? The night is young Ms Naylor, unlike me. How about you tell me our plans for tomorrow?"  
"Right old man, tomorrow we are going for a scan and then you can take me for lunch and be the only grown up and mature man in my life. Oh God, that's actually depressing to say." Her head bounced a little on his chest as he laughed at her.

That was what they did; Sacha noticed how much calmer she was this time around, even when they asked for a urine and blood sample again. As the previous sets had come back clear, she was less nervous about things going wrong and instead imagined with Sacha what the fuzzy black and white image would look like in reality.  
"Well she has to be ginger and I'm sure she'll be a fiery character like her mum."

"Her hair will be curly though, like Jonny's. She'll be cheeky too; she'll have the best and worst characteristics of us." She laughed a little and continued to watch the screen as a nurse took a blood sample.  
"So, any names yet?"  
"I haven't really thought about it yet." This was a blatant lie, as when she dreamt, she imagined herself calling out to a little red-headed girl in the garden. Each time she had called her a different name but a few had stuck out.  
"Oh come on you must have some ideas! You may only be six months Jac but time goes by very quickly."  
"I know, I know I just don't want to jinx it." She said it quietly, but even then it sounded stupid. A woman who was not known for her belief in religion, a god, superstition or luck was here telling him that the reason she wasn't naming her child was because she would jinx it. Sacha couldn't help but laugh at her.  
"_That's_ the reason? Why do you think you're going to jinx it? You're already six months and nothing has happened even with the endometriosis! You're being very silly Jacqueline."  
"Yeah well; if I give her a name, it will be even more real. I'll be even more connected to her; if she doesn't have a name, it will be easier to get over it if something happens."  
"Jac, what do you think could possibly happen?" She didn't need to answer his question; she just took her green eyes from the screen and looked into his blue ones. Everything that needed to be said was there, in those eyes. He could see the speckled green hope circling the gaping black hole of fear. "Okay how about this: we go back to your house, sit in the garden and compile a list of a few names. That way you're prepared but you haven't set your heart on one. That moment comes when you see her for the first time and you say 'ooh do ya knoh what luv, she's definitely an Irene, ooh definitely. Do you not think soh?'"  
"Firstly that was a terrible northern accent Sacha. Please don't branch out into imitations. Secondly I'm not going to call my child Irene. I am not giving birth to a sixty year old bingo player."  
"My grandma's name." Sacha explained, although she wasn't listening.  
"And finally, that actually sounds like a good idea. Certainly the best thing you've come up with since you've been here."

"_Okay, so let's make a Venn diagram. Names that you like on one side, names I like on the other and then the ones we agree on are in the middle."  
"God I love it when you speak maths to me."  
"I'll remember that." He winked before sitting on the deck chair besides her and opening up his notebook. On it he drew two large overlapping circles and then passed it to Jac. "You go first."  
"Elliot." Andrew blew a raspberry and stuck his thumb down.  
"People will call him Smelliot. How about Alex?"  
"I'm not keen."  
"Only because I said no to yours."  
"My dentist when I was a kid was called Alex."  
"Fine! Put it in my circle." He squinted as he smiled before pulling Jac's sunglasses from her face and putting them on his own. He didn't care that he looked ridiculous, in fact the stupider the better, as long as it made her laugh.  
"How do you expect me to see now?"  
"Open your eyes?"  
"Funny." She scoffed. "I don't know, first you make me fat, then you blind me. Not sure if I was a bit too hasty with agreeing to marry you."  
"Oh don't worry I have someone else on standby if you change your mind."_

"_Well at least I'm not second best. Whoa!"  
"What?! Are you okay?" Jac had suddenly dropped the notebook on her lap and had placed both hands on her stomach and was fashioning a bemused expression.  
"Yeah... I think you might get at least one football player, feel." Andrew's face quickly changed from worry to confusion to elation as he felt his little boy kicking strongly for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of just silent happiness, Jac spoke.  
"How about James?"  
"I like James." Both parents still hands their hands on her stomach, waiting for him to kick some more and they were speaking in whispers as though their voices being too loud might scare him away.  
"James Andrew Harrison has a lovely ring to it, don't you think?" Jac looked at him for a moment before James chose that moment to kick again as approval of his name.  
"Do you know what else has a lovely ring to it?"  
"What?"  
"Mrs Jacqueline Harrison."  
"Er s'cuse me, I think you'll find it will be _Dr_Jac Harrison." She smirked but let him kiss her to stop her talking._


	16. The Nominees Are

**So here you go guys, another chapter :D Kinda comedy-centred, the more dramatic stuff is coming up soon I reckon :') Hope you enjoy it none-the-less! Please review xx**

"Right then, have you had any ideas or do you just want me to throw some at you?"  
"I don't think you should throw anything at me in my condition. It's cruelty."  
"Very funny. What kind of thing do you want? Something classic? Something edgy and modern?"  
"I think even saying the words edgy and modern just allows me to see how old you really are. No Sacha, I don't want a kid called Rocco or Apple. I want a classic name, just not stupidly boring or old like Jacqueline."  
"So Margaret's out of the window?"  
"Now you're throwing old people out of the window? Sacha, what kind of a man have you become. Don't laugh, but I actually like the name Maggie. It was my grandmother's name. But I'm not calling my daughter Margaret, or Maggie. It can be her middle name."  
"So for now she's called Something Maggie Naylor?"  
"I don't like the name _Something_. It's too edgy and modern." She smirked in classic Naylor style and Sacha couldn't help but laugh. He'd been laughing so much in her presence. At first it was strange when it came to him; while it was so familiar it was so alien at the same time just because it had been gone for so long. He hadn't laughed since Chrissie left him. Sure he smiled at his children who were thriving but he missed Daniel and Chrissie. He felt like his laugh no longer had a proper identity; it wasn't his laugh. However as the day went on, it grew more confident and the memories flooded back, he remembered how to laugh.  
"Well you need to make a list or something. Do you have a baby name book or something? That would be easier."  
"Yes I do, in the office. You go grab it and I'll go to the toilet; oh the joys of being pregnant." She said sarcastically.

Sacha made his way to her office which could have been mistaken for a library; one wall was completely covered in books lining the shelves and piled on top of one another. Others lay strewn across her desk and there were several sat under her desk stacked up in mini towers. She had accumulated more since she had moved here having found herself with an abundance of old book shops and a huge library nearby. He started with the books closest to the door on the shelf before moving further into the room, with no such luck at finding the baby books. At one stage he thought he saw the tell tale signs of one: the pastel blues and yellows being the sign, but as he pulled it out he saw it wasn't a baby name book at all. It was however, something he wanted to look more into and he opened the front cover. He didn't recognise the handwriting on the front page instantly but as he looked closer he traced his finger around the J and noticed how similar it was the way she did hers at the start of her own name. He trespassed deeper into the pages of the book. There were large blank boxes with descriptions underneath in print. He flipped further and further, thinking he was eventually going to find a picture to go with one of the descriptions, but he never did. To stir him from his thoughts, movement upstairs triggered him to put the book down hastily and move away from the shelf altogether and instead he focussed on the books on her desk. He picked some up that had fallen on to their side and found a small pink and blue book with a grinning baby on the front; "just in time" he thought as Jac shouted him from the living room. He left the small library thinking about the book he had found on the shelf; he had already decided not to share his discovery with Jac though. He wanted a little more time to figure things out.

"_Jac! Come on let's open all of these parcels now and then we'll go to the pub."  
"Do we have to go out tonight? I have just spent all day with your mother and you know when she does that thing when she's trying to help? Yeah, basically telling me in very intricate details all the things she did when she was pregnant with you. So now I cannot take having drinks with Nicola and Tom especially when I can't even have alcohol to soften the sound of her cackle."  
"Oh come on we were going to announce it to everyone today!"  
"Fine, but you can buy Nicola crisps all night to prevent her from opening her mouth and you can't tell any jokes because you know what she's like when she's drunk: even you're funny!"  
"One day I might take offence by your words. Anyway! Let's open the big one first." He now pointed to a large pile of packages wrapped in brown paper. "Where is your sister again?"  
"This week she's in Mexico somewhere. She didn't have to send us this much stuff! I haven't even seen her since Julie's birthday."  
"Which one is Julie again?"  
"She was my first foster mum and Emily's real mum."  
"Right I've got it. Well the note said some of this stuff was from Julie too."  
"Remind me to call her later then. Okay you can open the big one." He was like a child at Christmas but Jac didn't expect anything less. He was easily excited by anything concerning James Andrew Harrison, and he wasn't disappointed by any of the gifts from Jac's foster sister. Jac was more practical and saw all of their uses while he just went through the pile unwrapping them one by one. The final package was smaller than the rest of them and as she hadn't opened any of them, he handed it to her to unwrap. A small blue and yellow book toppled out, with a picture of teddy bears and building blocks and rattles on the front. The title read 'Book of Firsts'. She laughed a little and thought back to when she was a teenager living with Emily and Julie, the kind woman who offered temporary homes to children of all ages, despite having her own. In that house Jac saw numerous firsts of other children and back then she was quite the sentimental person; she joined Emily's tradition of recording the firsts she witnessed in a little notebook.  
"What is it?" Andrew stood up after being sat cross legged looking at the rest of the presents. He stood, slightly towering over her on her right side. She gave him the book which he flipped through and smiled.  
"Get me a pen, quick and then we can go out." He handed her the book back and she turned to the front page. When Andrew had come back with a black inky pen she wrote her son's name in the space provided.  
"Hurry up little man; I want to fill it up." Andrew patted her stomach before taking hold of her hand. _

"So let's have a look." Sacha took the active role of looking through the book and reading out every single girl's name he could see, while she wrote down the long list. It took them the majority of the afternoon and another bottle of fake Vimto wine to compile a list of twenty names, out of the hundreds that were in the book. "Okay, do you have any particular favourites yet?"  
"I think I could narrow it down to about five names, but I'm not going any lower than that."  
"Is that your final deal then?"  
"Yep, that's all you're getting from me."  
"Well tell me, Jac Naylor, what are the nominations for your baby's name?" He handed her a pretend microphone while she opened up an imaginary envelope.  
"The nominees are," her best American accent would have had Michael Spence in stitches, but because Sacha was just as useless, the act carried on without interruption, "Bethany, Ava, Emily, Isabel and Eliza." There was significant pause between each name for Sacha to nod and approve.  
"I love all of those names, but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until next time folks for the winner. It's goodbye from the studio."  
"Who knew you could act drunk with only Vimto?"  
"Well you can be drunk off the atmosphere Jac. You don't always need a glass of red."  
"God you're so cheesy."  
"Why thank you. Well, don't worry because I should be off now. I have work in the morning as do you and I do not want to hit traffic."  
"You should get the train next time, it's cheaper and that way no traffic."  
"I'll bear it in mind; need a hand?" He held out his big bear paw for her to grip while she pulled herself up from her sofa.  
"It's been nice to see you Sacha."  
"It's always a pleasure I know. Next time you'll have to come down to Holby though Jac, I know for a fact Elliot's been asking after you."  
"I'll think about it, but it's getting time off and I don't like to travel too far with this hefty lump."  
"What about my hefty lump?"  
"What happened to the fit club?"  
"Oh that went out of the window with Margaret." She laughed a little before any sound escaping from her mouth was muffled by Sacha as she was engulfed into one of his infamous hugs. "Right, I'll be off then."  
"Bye Sacha!" She called after him down the path and he waved. She waited until he had got into his car before closing the door. With Sacha gone and having had a 'productive' couple of days in terms of decision making, it was time for Jac to face the music.

She picked up her phone that had been dormant for the last 48 hours from the coffee table in the living room. She searched through her contacts, pausing on both names before finally choosing him.  
"Hi," she paused before answering.  
"Hi, what are you doing next weekend?"  
"I was working but I could get the time off if you need me."  
"I don't mind coming in while you work, I need to do some things anyway."  
"Like what?"  
"Never you mind."  
"Very mysterious."  
"That's me. Anyway, what have you been up to?" and so the general small talk began. It was all going to plan until they ended the conversation.  
"I'll see you at the weekend then."  
"It'll only be Saturday, I'm on nights Sunday onwards."  
"Sounds fun."  
"Oh it's great." The sarcastic tone in her voice was apparent even if it was clouded with awkwardness.  
"I really have to go, Mo's shouting at me." Jac's laugh wasn't feigned as she pictured them at the nurses' station.  
"Okay, I'll let you go then, I can hear her!"  
"I love you." There was a pause. Should she say it back? Those words meant something she couldn't just throw them out any old time she felt like it.  
"I've missed you." There was a true substitute; those words were ones she felt she was allowed to say, even though she could have easily meant the others.  
"Me too."  
"Bye Jonny."  
"Alright I'm going Mo! Bye Jac." She laughed again as she put the phone down and continued to smile as she settled down with another glass of Vimto wine and one of her new old books. She had made the right choice.


	17. 16 Muffins, Protégés and Hope

**Hello! Very sorry about the ridiculous updates, just had a lot of coursework recently :( Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and please review :) xx**

"Enjoying _my_ muffin are we Naylor?"  
"It was on _my_ desk Ben, if you can't keep you're own tidy and have to use mine, then I say you deserve it."  
"Well I say that you can buy me another one."  
"Ah but, you ate my yoghurt last week because you thought it was yours even though you didn't bring a yoghurt."  
"Yeah but a muffin is ten times better than a yoghurt."  
"Yeah but I'm pregnant, have pity."  
"Fine! We're even. How big is your list today?" He was pulling his grey jumper from the back of his chair and pulling his satchel out from under the desk.  
"Oh, I'm here till the end of the day, I'm probably going to be still here by the time my shift is due to end."  
"Sucks to be you. I'm heading off now and I'm going to ASDA on the way home, I wondered whether you wanted me to get you anything in? You do know they do four blueberry muffins for a pound?"  
"Well in that case," she searched through her purse for a worn and rusted two pound coin. "I'll have eight please." She got up out of her chair and handed it to him as they both made their way out of their office.  
"Are you sure that's a girl in there and not just a food baby?"  
"It's amazing you never became a comedian with talent like that. Anyway, be off with you, you're cluttering up my ward." He saluted before waltzing off, waving goodbye to and winking at the nurses as he went. She shook her head at his efforts of 'charming the ladies' before getting started on the patients with her trusty F1 by her side.

"Mr Winters? Hi I'm Jac Naylor your consultant. You've been having chest pains and difficulty breathing is that right?" The man in the bed nodded. "Right well I'm going to take a listen so could you lift your shirt for me?" and so it began; the tirade of trying to get a difficult patient to actually do anything she said.  
"I asked for a male doctor."  
"Well I am the most qualified here but if you wanted a male doctor with less experience I'm sure I can find you one." Mr Winters scowled.  
"What about him?" He nodded towards the F1.  
"He's a junior here he can't do all of the procedures."  
"I'm sure he can lift my top up!"  
"Right then. Sam, care to do the honours?" The slightly too confident F1 took her place while Jac stood out of view of the patient but not of her F1 and she watched him take care of the patient without difficulty. This was her new protégé; she had been waiting for a while to see which of the F1s were going to be worthy enough to earn her as a mentor and she had finally found the guy. She had been at the hospital for almost two months now and while her wrath had been made known, she hadn't quite gained the torturous mentor status yet and so for the next week, she battled with Sam Llewellyn until it was all he could do not to make mistakes for fear of his consultant. It was just like the good old days with Valentine.

The week took it's time to end; while she kept her mind busy with work and work and even more work, Jonny wasn't far from her mind and actually she couldn't have been more excited about going back to Holby and seeing him. Every minute she had free she was either emailing him or speaking to him on the phone. Ben sensed something fishy was going on and so one afternoon while she was in surgery, he had a nosey at her computer screen and attempted to read her emails. Attempted is the operative word as she had logged out before he could read any and he was useless at guessing her password. Fortunately for him she had also left her phone unguarded on her desk and as he clicked close on email account, it started to buzz violently.  
"Hello, Jac Naylor's phone." He had of course read the caller ID before he'd picked up, and so he expected the man's voice down the phone.  
"Er hi, is Jac not there?"  
"No she's in surgery, is it important?"  
"Oh no not at all."  
"Well I can take a message if you want?" Jonny thought about it for a second. Would Jac want anyone in the hospital knowing about her personal business? No, of course she wouldn't.  
"Nah it's alright mate, I'll call back later, thanks."  
"Alright bye then." Jonny hung up the phone whereas Ben kept a hold of the phone which was now unlocked for him to enjoy the contents of. He first of all went to the call log, and found not surprisingly, that it was full of calls to and from this Jonny character. He decided he would bring it up on the way home, that way she was less likely to kill him. He placed the phone in his scrub-top pocket so nobody else would find it and he could give it her straight back after surgery.

She didn't ask whether there had been any calls when he handed it back to her, instead she looked puzzled as to why he had it in the first place. After he explained that she had carelessly left it on the desk, she once again left the topic of whether anyone had tried to call her; she was being extremely private and Ben couldn't wait for the drive home.  
"You ready yet?"  
"Almost, why are you in such a rush?"  
"Just want to get home that's all, I'm picking Charlotte up tonight because I'm working tomorrow morning, unlike some."  
"Hey! How many weekends off have you had in this month alone? I'm forever covering your shifts pal."  
"Do I hear some northern tones there?"  
"No! Never!" She suddenly put on the strongest posh southern accent that she could muster.  
"You've only lived here a couple of months!" he did this fairly often now, as he knew it annoyed her.  
"Right, I'm ready just shut up and drive me home!"  
"I don't know, next thing you'll be calling it a baff or a graff."  
"Even the sound of it gives me shivers." They walked to the car park in near silence; Jac didn't want to give him any excuses to call her northern and Ben was getting ready. There was a smirk playing on his lips by the time they got to the car.  
"So Jacqueline," he opened his door and slid in, "Jonny called." He said the last words with a cheeky grin on his face which she jus caught sight of as she ducked into the car.  
"Jonny? How do you...? Ah you had my phone."  
"Yep, he called so I answered. He's Scottish!"  
"Oh so you can distinguish accents now?"  
"I also happened to notice, that you two have been communicating a lot this past week. So, more arguments or are you the best of friends now?"  
"You happened to notice because you looked through my call history?"  
"Yep, well you will go and leave your phone lying around." He turned the radio down as it had suddenly burst into life as he put the key in.  
"Doesn't give you the excuse to look through my things."  
"Alright touchy, I swear I didn't look at anything else; now will you please tell me the gossip?"  
"Did he have a message for me?"  
"No, he said he'd call back later."  
"I'll call him when I get home." There was a pause and Ben looked as though he was about to explode.  
"Jac! If you've quite finished avoiding the question, I would like to know if he's been causing you any bother."  
"Why do you want to know so bad eh?"  
"Because I'm your friend and I'm looking out for you."  
"Is that the only reason Benjamin?"  
"Yep, you know me Jac."  
"Fine," she said, unconvinced, "Jonny wants us to get back together."

"Well that's good news... I guess. Do you want to get back together with him?"  
"It's the ideal situation: mum and dad together."  
"It's only the ideal situation if you are happy with it."  
"Well obviously I'd be happy that Mini Naylor grew up with both of her parents."  
"She can grow up with both parents even if they're not together; trust me."

"It's not just that; I do love him. I just don't want to risk- hang on, why am I telling you all of this?"

"Because I'm your friend and you wanted a chat?"  
"Because I'm an idiot and let you coax it all out of me. I don't know what's going on yet, but what I do know is that I am knackered and I want to go home, so how about you start driving?" She pulled her seatbelt over herself and sat with her arms folded signalling to him she wasn't going to talk about it anymore.

"If we're not going to talk about that, at least tell me about this guy. The only thing I know about him is that he came rampaging out of nowhere and made you cry; that doesn't paint the best picture for me and as your BFF I have to approve. You tell me about him and I'll tell you whether I think he's suitable enough for you." Ben had reluctantly begun to drive but he wasn't giving up entirely.  
"Where do you even get these phrases? So Jonny's Scottish, like you said. He's a nurse."  
"A nurse? I did not see that one coming; I would have pictured you with a consultant, someone more in your own league."  
"He's a senior nurse and he's actually pretty brilliant at his job."  
"Alright, Miss Defensive, carry on."  
"He has curly hair and a cute smile and big strong arms and-" she was of course being cheesy on purpose.  
"You're about to make me vomit. Be serious."  
"Well all of that is true; besides that he's a genuine guy and he makes me laugh and he's kind."

"He wasn't so kind the last time I heard him."  
"You can't keep bringing that up."  
"I will until I've met him."  
"Oh God you sound like my dad."  
"Good, that's because I am a dad. So when do I get to meet him?"  
"You can meet him the next time he comes up. But I didn't tell you the most important thing."  
"What's the most important thing?"  
"He loves me; that makes him even more perfect."

"If he's so perfect, then why did you run away from him? Why are you here Jac?" They'd pulled up beside her house and it had been the perfect timing for him to pose that question.  
"Because, well we were just being childish. I was being childish and hasty. I think this big move was what we both needed to see that we needed to sort ourselves out."  
"It's funny because I didn't see you rushing back to Holby to go and tell him that you love him."  
"Well I didn't realise... I wasn't thinking about him. I was, but I was trying to forget him... he didn't feel the same way."  
"Jac, it's fine. You don't need to defend your decision; just really think about it."  
"I've already thought about it. I'll see you later Ben." For some reason the mood had suddenly gone from being light and fun to anger on both sides. For Ben it wasn't just anger though; there was the pang of jealousy that he hadn't noticed before and for Jac, well there was _that_ feeling again, the one that couldn't be described.


	18. The Queen's Successor

**Hey everyone! Thanks for your reviews, I'm still deciding about who Jac will end up with! But I'm probably going to go with the majority vote so please say who you would rather in reviews :) I'm really trying to update regularly but I'm up to my eyeballs in assignments for uni etc. Anyway, I'll keep trying! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please review! xx**

She opted for the train. She was still nervous about driving while in her condition but her reasoning to everyone else was that she didn't want to hit any traffic because she was only there for one day. She also liked the train; it was a quiet environment at five in the morning to catch up on some paperwork. She plugged her laptop in and began typing away, sometimes stopping to look out of the window at the passing environment or buying refreshments from the trolley. The journey was only slightly longer than driving but this gave her plenty of time to think about what she was going to say. She wasn't even sure that half of the Holby staff knew she was pregnant so that was going to be one surprise for them. She was surprised to find herself getting increasingly excited at the prospect of seeing everyone again even though they all probably despised her; she didn't know that even with her reputation, the majority of the staff felt something other than hatred for her. She was planning on getting a late train back, even though she was working early on Sunday morning, that would give her time to go to Albi's with the gang because even if she couldn't drink, it was always the perfect opportunity to catch up with people. The last time she had been away from Holby for this long was when she went to Japan and before that it was America. She was used to these long periods away from the hospital; what she was worried about though was the fact that she couldn't go straight away into her office because it wasn't her office anymore. She couldn't just walk through the ward like she was the queen because she had been overthrown and someone had taken her place just like she had with Connie. Jonny had told her that people missed her; she couldn't help but feel a little smug that the new consultant wasn't quite fitting in. Perhaps this meant it would be easier to get her old job back. Not that she was thinking about it, obviously.

Jonny was waiting for her on the platform. However tired his eyes were previously, they lit up at the sight of her.  
"Hey!" she smiled at him as he held out his hand. She clutched it tightly as he pulled her through the crowds of people. They didn't speak until they had finally made their way out of the station. It was only then that Jonny noticed that Jac was carrying a bag containing her laptop and numerous snack wrappers. He took it from her like he was performing a duty for queen and country.  
"It wasn't heavy."  
"Doesn't matter; anyway, how are you doing?"  
"Well I'm incredibly tired and I really need a wee." She whispered the last bit. He laughed before leading her into a nearby McDonald's and waiting patiently for her.  
"Better?"  
"Much better; I have not and will not ever use a toilet on a train. I have been dying for the loo for about an hour." He shook his head, "What? They're disgusting!"  
"Alright, but an hour is crazy! It doesn't matter though." He sensed her eyes watching him intently. They had been chit chatting for the last week and to Jac at least, it felt as though she was back in the safe zone. The current safe zone was with Jonny; that had to mean something. Their journey to the hospital in Jonny's car was a normal journey; Jonny was being nosey as to what things Jac had to do.

"I just want to see everyone and I want to see the look on their faces when they see this." She pointed to her baby bump.  
"You could have warned me! I've told the whole hospital now!"  
"What?!"  
"I'm only messing with you; I thought we could do that together too." He laughed as the anger disappeared from her face.  
"Yeah, very funny, causing a pregnant woman stress Jonathan is not a very clever idea."  
"We're on route to a hospital anyway so it's fine." He winked.  
"Very funny, but let's not jinx anything!" He looked at her confused for a second, before realising that she was actually serious.  
"Don't worry; I'm no good at voodoo." She smiled a little and he took one hand off the steering wheel to touch her arm gently.  
"I want to go to Albi's afterwards too and I can buy everyone drinks and it'll be a proper catch up."  
"You missing us Jac?"  
"Some more than most."  
"I'm flattered."  
"I was talking about Elliot." It was true, she did miss his bumbling but of course she meant Jonny. After letting him into her new life for a mere two days she realised that rather than getting over him, all she had done was pushed him to the back of her mind and thought about other things. The moment she saw him all the thoughts and feelings came rushing back and the promise of a new start for them was too much to say no to, even if she was worried about the circumstances. She was trying her hardest to ignore Ben while she made her decision; for one, she had known him for only a couple of months and that isn't a good enough length of time to throw this chance with Jonny away. Another thing was that Ben wasn't going to open up any time soon and right now with the baby due in almost two months' time, she needed someone she could depend on. That person was Jonny. She didn't even know why Ben came into the equation, he just _did_.  
"You know Elliot was so confused that day you left. He thought you were going to come back, even when Hanssen told us you'd handed in your resignation. We all did, actually. Even Hanssen looked sad to see you go, and that's something! I'm telling you, if you wanted to come back, I'm sure you would get your job back straight away, even though Serena's taken his place at the top."  
"The only time I saw Hanssen show any emotion was when Sahira left." This was of course, a lie; she had witnessed the Swede in Sweden but thought it best to keep this between them.  
"Sahira's the one-"  
"She's the annoying one who had Hanssen on strings and I swear her and Greg, the Irish one, had something going on too."  
"Gotcha. I'm telling you though, there was definite sadness. Although he's kinda like you really; you're both incredibly hard to read. Maybe it wasn't sadness at all, maybe he just let one go."  
"You're disgusting."  
"I'll accept that." They pulled into the familiar car park; however Jac was now less than comfortable getting out of the car. "Are you coming? Like I said, the new woman is much worse than you and even if I'm a second late she'll kill me."  
"Sounds like I might like her." As much as she didn't work here anymore, this was still her territory; her friends worked her and she was queen of Darwin at one point, as well as being a general surgeon before that. She had no reason to be nervous; this was home to her. That little pep talk to herself was all the motivation she needed to get out of the car.

"Jesus Naylor, you've let yourself go!" Michael Spence greeted them at the lift.  
"I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" She bit back with a smirk.  
"God who's the poor guy?"  
"That'd be me." Jonny acted more confident than he actually was, making Jac smile a little.  
"Well congrats the pair of you. Aren't you worried it's going to come out with horns and a tail?  
"Funny, Spence."  
"Anyway, what are you doing here Jac? Thought you'd left us for some cold and dark place up north?"  
"Yep, I'm just visiting. Thought I'd see who Hanssen's got to replace me."  
"Oh you do not want to meet her. Jeeze, and we thought _you_ were bad. I'm pretty sure even you would provide some form of comfort to an F1 who's had a telling off from her."  
"Oh come on, she can't be that bad."  
"Her only redeeming feature is that she is _smoking_ hot."  
"You've really changed Michael."  
"Oh really?"  
"Yeah, the guy I knew would have said that first." He chuckled and dramatically squeezed past the surgeon, earning him a glare.  
"I'm not that big." He raised his eyebrows.  
"Catch you later." She smiled just as the lift doors began to shut again.  
"I really have to meet this new boss of yours now."  
"Well, I'll have to introduce you. She'll want to know about the visitor on the ward anyway. She might even give you a special badge to wear!" The sarcastic excitement in his voice made her laugh for the nth time that morning and she suddenly found herself wondering, how had she not missed this? How had she not run back the second she had left knowing what she was leaving behind? The truth was, Jac Naylor was a strong minded woman, while she was not always right, and especially in this case, she was definitely strong. If she wanted to stay away, her own willpower will have allowed it. There was of course the way that they had left it; that gave her even more strength to do what she thought was right. However in this situation she started to feel, but not admit, that she might have been a 'wee' bit hasty in her decision making. She just wasn't sure how to rectify it just yet.

Jonny was right, the second he entered Darwin with a woman on his arm, another female rushed over to them. Michael was also right. While this woman was not what you would call pretty at face value, you could imagine what she would look like had she not tied her hair forcefully back into a pony tail. If she softened her face a little instead of scowling, and perhaps touched down the make up, you could probably see what Michael meant. But at that moment, as she came hurtling down the corridor towards them both, she was far from attractive.  
"Nurse Maconie you should have been here three minutes ago. Who are you?" The latter part of the sentence was of course addressed to Jac.  
"Jac Naylor, cardiothoracic consultant." She held out her hand and very smugly watched a little bit of recognition cross the woman's face.  
"Ah you used to work here. Kate Brookes, I'm your replacement." She took Jac's hand and shook it just as hard as Jac did. Jonny stared intently for a moment, witnessing firsthand the increasing tension between the new and the old queen.  
"Do you not have somewhere to be Maconie?" Kate was shocked to find that this didn't come from herself and instead Jac smirked at Jonny who walked away with a smile. At this moment Elliot bumbled out of his office, and upon seeing Jac he quickened his pace towards her. It wasn't quite a run because a man with angina and a weight problem doesn't run, but it was definitely a quicker pace.  
"Jac! How lovely to see you! And I can see you're not alone!" his kind smile made Jac give into his warmth and she let him give her a small hug.  
"Hi Elliot, I've just been talking to Katie here."  
"It's Kate."  
"Oh yes, sorry. Well Kate says I've been replaced."  
"Oh no, not replaced. You had your own function here and while she might have the same job, you've definitely not been replaced." Once again, smugness took over Jac. While Jac thought that Elliot couldn't dislike anyone, she was proven wrong.  
"Well Elliot, I have to go and see Ms Campbell and get myself permission to set foot on to the wards. I'll be back later to catch up." She nodded at her bump and he smiled knowingly and walked away. Jac stood there for a second longer, just in front of Kate who was a little baffled to say the least, but she regained her composure quickly, only for it to be knocked down once again. "You hear that Katie? Irreplaceable." She raised her eyebrows and left the woman with the bitter taste of being burned by Jac Naylor.


End file.
